Monday, July 07, 2014


I'm an introvert so why do I talk so much?  I have to have alone time to recharge my batteries but that doesn't imply quiet. I have living beings to talk to (dogs and plants) and I've been known to talk too toasters and spilled coffee, etc.

I'm more gregarious now & over that painful shyness of childhood.

Maybe I have too much education? And a love for trivia? I am excited about things and my talking can be very intense.

Is it too intense. Do I talk "so much" or "too much"? Or is it the right amount for me? Even if I rather annoy people? My real friends get a glazed look on their faces. Rose told me she just stops listening (I think she might have learned this technique married to a talkative husband). But they keep the relationship going regardless of chit-chat and I appreciate that. 

It doesn't mean I don't listen either. In fact, I can listen to something or someone and talk at the same time. In the past it was useful at cocktail parties where I could carry on two or more conversations at the same time. I can't do that anymore--go to cocktail parties or listen to multiple conversations. At my age my ears are tired.

I have other people say that they can listen while talking. Multi-conversations were possible with her and I'm sure others.

The type of conversation I like is the "ping-pong" variety. We toss the words around not randomly but wrapped around thoughts and ideas. We see the ping coming and can pong back in a rapidity that defies reality. Interrupting is a major factor in this type of talking and it's understood and perfectly acceptable.

I've tried that type of conversation with people who are not conversationalist like I. They pause and think before they speak. They say things like "Let me finish." And when I try to interrupt and ping-pong at them, they stop and put their attention on me to hear what I have to say. Not in a good way. Having focus on my remarks makes them seem too important like I should have had a 6 point outline and brought along a synopsis.

I made a list of 50 (and now more) reasons I talk or might talk. I read the lists of listening skills on line. Then I told my therapist that though it was my goal to stop talking so much, my list to keep talking was longer than the motivation to keep my mouth shut. I might have to rethink my goal. Learning to do something is easier than learning to not do something.

One thing I've been practicing is asking people sincere questions about their opinions and how they feel about things specific or in general. I don't bounce back with a comment (related to the topic or not) without hearing them out and taking an interest in them.

I've learned a conversation is not about sharing profound ideas for the most part, or teaching and preaching.  Not everything is a step forward in the quest to discover the meaning of life and the nature of the universe.  It's to have a relationship with people you like. 

Part of my talking skill, LOL, is that I'm a writer. As you can see I am a bit wordy. Let's face it, I'm a storyteller and entertainer. With that in mind, I'm going to leave it at that.

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