TRUE CONFESSIONS: ILLUSTRATED

I'm finally sharing with everyone something I haven't even admitted to myself.

It's sort of shameful and I really didn't want to tell anyone. But it's become so obvious to ME that I'm sure people have taken notice. Even though they haven't said anything about it.

OK. Here goes.

ONE OF MY BOOBS IS SMALLER THAN THE OTHER.

I suppose it's okay to be deformed. We have a tolerant society. It's politically incorrect to laugh at people with handicaps.

It's really okay to have one boob too small. It's not like I use them for anything anymore. I breast fed four babies and entertained a number of husbands & boyfriends and made less endowed women jealous. Alas, those days are over.

I only wear bras to keep my boobs from jiggling when I walk and from getting stuck in the waistband of my pants. (Even though I think bras were invented by sadistic misogynists to sell them to women who never knew they needed them. Or to squeeze the breath out of us so lack of oxygen will befuddle our brains and make us more docile.)

I was wondering how I ought to go about fixing my smaller boob. I'm disinclined to get a boob job like the young hot girls. (It's really hard to let go of my big boobed hot years of long ago. << Sigh >>)

It's doubtful I could find a plastic surgeon who'd be willing to shorten the other one to match.

I'm not sure if I should look around for a bra that's padded on only one side. I could look around the house for an old shoulder pad that used to come with blouses and dress jackets. I bet most of you all are too young to remember them. I'd worry that A shoulder pad would fall out at an inopportune time and splash into my soup. Oh yeah. That's another reason I wear bras. Some soup is steaming hot!

Should I just forget about fixing it? If someone actually notices I should be glad that they still think it's worth looking in the direction of my breasts?

I don't know.  

I'm glad I got that confession off my chest. So to speak.

I'm not ready to talk about my other deformities. The real reason I wear pants with elastic waists. My stomach is too big; it sticks out too much. On the other hand, keeping up the interest in my different sized boobs does detract from interest in my potbelly.

Me at age 14 in the olden days when both my boobs were big enough.