I sprained every muscle in my body Saturday night. Listen to this (without laughing).

I keep forgetting my nighttime medications make me off balance. I went into the bathroom without my cane to use the "facilities" when I'd already been dozing off. I felt kinda like I was walking drunk (tho I forget what that was like because I quit drinking after my wild 20's.)

So before I knew it, I lost my balance and tipped over backwards, I grabbed at the handicapped bar beside the toilet. I missed!

I then kept tipping over so I grabbed at the smaller handicapped bar beside the tub.

I sat down on the side of the tub, relieved. Next thing I knew I was still tipping over backwards. I slid into the tub still holding to the bar. It was a slow motion fall. I wasn't hurt in the fall. I just sort of slipped in.

Eventually (i.e., not suddenly) I found myself in the tub, with my head leaning forward, on the far side of the tub and my legs sticking up over the side into the room. I was sideways in the tub, not lengthwise. 

I still had my shoes on.

I wasn't hurt in the fall. I just sort of slipped in.  

I have yanked myself out of the tub when I take a real bath, so no problem, right?
 
I realized I had to pull myself up with my arms by holding the handicap bar but I couldn't do it with only one hand. I had to go straight up because my legs were pretty much higher than my head, if you can imagine. 
 
However, I had the shower chair in the tub and it was pulled up closer to the faucet so I was wedged into the space between both faucet and chair. No wiggle-room.

My first thought was, "I hope there's no spiders in here." Then I noticed my butt was getting wet from the tub floor. I reminded myself I had other pajamas. Then remembered I didn't and what was I going to wear to bed? Dismissed that idea. I'd find something.

I knew I had to get out. I would have been too embarrassed if someone found me in this un-ladylike position. Especially dead--no telling how long it would have taken to find me. Besides I didn't want my dogs chewing on my toes. 


I contemplated my dilemma. I had to turn and get all the way into the tub before I could get out. So I swiveled around in the small space available. Oof. Groan.
Now my knees were bent up in front of me. Nearly touching my chin. At least I was facing the right way.

My left knee hurt when I tried to bend it enough to get my feet under me or push myself up to standing, so I couldn't do it. Ouch. 

I then had a hold of both handicap bars, one on each side of the tub. So I tried to pull myself up with my arms. Ugh, what a job that was.

I finally lifted myself up, moaning and straining and finally sat on the edge of the shower chair. It was a tough maneuver. But I did it!

I couldn't help but think:  I wish I hadn't gained 20 lbs. the last couple years. I thought next that if I were really really old (instead of just moderately old) I never could have done it. No time to worry about the future at this point.

So, I'm glad I wasn't hurt myself in the fall. I just sprained every muscle in my body getting up. Probably serves me right. If I ever fall again I hope it's in-love not bathroom fixtures.

So. The next day was Sunday and  "day of rest" has taken on a new meaning.