Movie Opinions vs. Movie Reviews

See my other blog: Movie Reviews
www.sandy-schairer@blogspot.com

I don't really write movie “reviews.” I add personal things to my Movie blog, so it doesn’t count as review. I don't care what people watch. But I do believe life is too short to watch bad movies. We can use all the help we can get as we wind our way through the isles of video stores, Netflix or Amazon websites, or flipping our way through television channels.

I think the movies the media raves about, no one really likes. The ones I like no one even sees. Hardly anyone. There is ME and the people that make them. And perhaps their relatives.

I think movies are the meaning to life. Fiction can be more real than real life. Have you noticed? Even ones based on true stories seem real.

Okay. Okay. I’m trying to be witty. But it's true. When I started being witty women weren't allowed to be witty. People who read my stuff frequently don't get my humor. One comment on facebook said they hoped I found something to make me happy soon instead of sounding so negative and sarcastic. What was his excuse?

I like older movies. With more recent movies I have a tendency to rent one and then buy it and watch it a bunch more times. I think that might be obsessive/compulsive, but it’s more fun than washing ones hands a million times a day. (If I were afraid of germs, I would've never had kids. I mean they're germy little things--children. (Not those other things you're thinking of.)

However, I have overcome my compulsion to shop and spend dozens of dollars on things I don’t really need. Like, I can either lose weight or gain some to fit perfectly into the clothes I already have.

I also get hooked on an actor or actress and watch all their movies, similar to reading all the books of a certain author. In order. I do that too.

I have been falling in-love with movie stars since I was 8. I think the answer is reincarnation. I knew those old Hollywood guys in a previous life. For instance, I loved Clark Gable. I think I was just a wanna-be actress who partied her self to death. (I don’t think partied is a real word. I hope I spelled it right.)


It's good to express myself in my blogs. Sort of like therapy. It’s good I have something to do (like write.) I like staying at home in winter. Only thing I must go to is doctor appointments and therapy. Therapy is starting to help. I do better when I act like an adult. I am building up my confidence more now. How else would I get the nerve to put this out into cyberspace? I wonder if Woody Allen has a blog? Could’ve saved himself a lot of money over the years on psychoanalysis.

I guess I could call my blog "Diary of a Mad Widow" (remember that old movie Diary of a Mad Housewife? I fell in love with the actor in that movie. He's ugly now and was in that horrid movie The Box. Icky. (Sorry Frank, nothing personal.)

My shrink put me on antidepressants because all I could do was sit here and cry and fee awful. I now sit here and watch movies and knit but I’m way happier. Life’s a blast no matter what you think, feel, say or do. No seriously, it is. Try it.

When the weather warms up I plan to travel. I’m taking my dog. I spend a lot of time treating my dog like a baby. She has a bad hip (so do I) so we can keep up with each other.

I like having her in my room at night because she wakes me up early. The only problem with that is feeling sleepy at 8:30 PM. Bad news if I happen to be out driving.

So...I reveal all my inner activities while other people tell me things they actually do. My therapist says I'm an introvert. No duh. Manic Depressive too. Known that for 50 years. Now that I am being treated for it I should probably find something to do with my life.

Oh, I do have something I do! I'm in a book study Monday nights. We’re reading Tibetan Book of the Dead with commentary. Mostly we bring dinner and visit with each other after reading out loud. We don't understand what we're reading so we can't really discuss it.

I make the effort to get dressed and go to church now and then, mostly to see my friends. I met my late husband at church in 1987. But meeting men that way isn’t going to work for me anymore. I used to attract men with sex and money. I need a blind boyfriend who doesn’t want to go shopping.

Now I hang out with my women friends, all other writers. They make me feel cool. And normal.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. (What does that mean?) Like that girl who said in Imagine Me and You her teacher always said (imagine English accents.) "There's no problem insoluble given a big enough plastic bag." The character she was cheering up asked, "What does that mean?" They were both very cool in that movie. One of them was nine.

I’d better quit now and go see what my daughter-in-law fixed for lunch. Oh yeah. I’m home alone. One of these days I’m gonna learn how to cook. My kids would have appreciated that.

Toodle-ooo

If It Isn't Sumptin, It's Sumptin Else

I'm sure you remember the quote as the title of this post from SNL's Gilda Radner when she was Roseanne Roseannadanna. She said, It's what my father always said, "If it isn't something, it's something else."

Luckily, my Dad was a handyman and did everything around the house...including carpentry, plumbing, electrical, yard work, everything except dishes, if I remember right.

My beloved husband was all that and more. He built our house nearly single-handily and kept it running for 20 years. My son said Ed was a superman. Ed started on the house a little over 20 years ago. Now it's staring to break down like one of our cars. Conveniently, Ed left here before all the problems started. I can't really blame him. It was cancer.

I recently had a new roof put on after the hail damage. Luckily it was covered by insurance. If it was up to me, I could've bought a lot of buckets for $15 G's. Unfortunately, I chose the wrong roofer to do the job. There is a bunch of things that I don't like about the job, one of which is the whole damn thing, the quality of the work, the company's attitude. etc., etc. etc. Not least of which is the fools he hired to do the actual work and I think they took out the glass out of the skylights which weren't even broken and put the plastic domes on without replacing the glass. Duh. I don't know if I have to call that disagreeable man or call a skylight guy. It's up to my insurance agent. (I still have to get a stucco man over to replace the stucco that the roofers chipped off. One patch is really big. The insurance adjuster said the insurance would pay for the replacement of the roof (less my deductible. Thank goodness I already paid that.)

Last summer we had the problem of our well pump filling the pressure tank to maximum pressure making it spew huge amounts of water into the backyard. We called an electrician and he replaced the part--34-bucks. No, that was the cost of the part. He had to come out to our house in the mountains twice--once to look at it and once to go get the part. He got lost on the way here and drove about 20 or 30 miles out of his way to get here. Around a couple extra mountains as a matter of fact. And charged me for the time it took for him to find his way back to civilization. I'm sure he charged me an hour or two of time to change the part even though it took him a half hour, and for coming out on a Saturday. (It's real hard for us spoiled Americans to go without water for very long.)

This winter when it dipped down below zero, WAY below zero this time, our pipes froze up (second time.) My son turned everything off (again without water for several days.) The pipes unfroze fortunately but now something is leaking. He said it's the switch from the pump to the pressure tank so we had to decide whether to call an electrician or a plumber.

I called five different plumbing companies before I found one that would even listen to me. They are all booked up for days because of all the frozen/broken pipes in the mountains (and other places in NM.) This kind-hearted guy is sending one of his men over here between big jobs to look at it and fix it since he has a couple of those parts in his truck right now. YAY. The only good news I've had in a long time.

Well, I'm waiting for good news from my nephew and his wife who are expecting a baby in the next several weeks. That's the kind of news I want. Really good news to offset the bad news I've been dealing with at home.

One of the most aggravating things is not having propane delivered anymore. The cost of the propane was getting prohibitive in the last few years and last winter and this, it was too much to contemplate. The large tank costs 1000 bucks to fill up plus I imagine it costs something to get the tank delivered and installed. Even if we get the smaller tank, the company won't deliver any propane unless we snow plow the driveway. Plus we have to guarantee we'll buy so many gallons over the year. Just to heat water, no way we'd reach that. I am tempted to put in an electric hot water heater but our electricity bill is WAY out of site in the winter.

All we do now with propane is heat the hot water with it. We had a medium sized portable tank but it was too big to carry in any of our vehicles. Besides you can't carry a full propane tank inside a closed vehicle anyway. So...guess what...we have three little barbecue sized tanks for the hot water. When they run out we sometimes have to wait a few days to get hot water back again...we evidently can't go without hot water either.) When my son is at work from dawn to dark no one's here who knows how to hook them up. No me nor my daughter-in-law. It's all we can do to run the washing machines. We use cold water for that anyway.

So the headaches of owning your own house. And getting too old to work on it. Or having a son that can do just about anything fixing a to a big semi truck but doesn't know jack about fixing stuff around the house.

On top of all that. My computer wouldn't come on this morning. I panicked, of course, thinking I'd have to take it to the repair guy again. Not my favorite thing to do considering it costs me $$$ every time I take it in, and I have to put up with the guy hitting on me while I'm there. Luckily I lucked out this time, haha...my computer ran a diagnostic, figured out what was wrong, and did a system restore to fix itself. It's fine. Whew. (Well, you wouldn't be reading this if it weren't fine, huh?)

I'm sure my friends are getting sick of me complaining. So, believe me when I say, I can't handle anymore crises right now.

I think I'll go eat some cookies.

My weekend

This has not been MY weekend for entertainment.

I went to a play at Little Theater in Albuquerque last night. At least I think it was Albuquerque since I couldn't find the damn place. I don't trust Mapquest anymore because it sent me through some pretty creepy areas downtown, from a well-lighted well-known thoroughfare into a very dark neighborhood with a couple of dead-end streets.

This was after I drove from the East Mountains down Sedillo Hill on I-40 in the pitch dark all the way to the Rio Grande exit that's just short of the Rio Grande River (yes, the real Rio Grande.) This trip included driving through the Big I (major freeway interchange that looks like the interchanges in California.)

The Big I is scary even with the sun shining and moderate traffic. The traffic on Friday and Saturday nights in Albuquerque is worse than rush hour on weekdays because ALL the streets are jammed with traffic not just the freeways. And Albuquerque is a small city. Yow.

Coming into town from my side of the mountains, I saw two big semi's coming down the road behind me driving side by side, neck to neck. I got a bad feeling when I saw they were gaining on me and I was doing 65 (the speed limit. Hey-hey.)

When they caught up to me one changed lanes and they sped past me still neck and neck, one on each side of me. It was terrifying. It was like driving between two moving skyscrapers. I have a little Ford Focus. I hate passing trucks or have them pass me mainly because they can't even see me.

Coming home I took a wrong turn onto Central (I think it was Central) and drove around and around downtown for a half hour including driving on a one-way street going the wrong way. I was completely lost and had no idea where I was. I have never driven downtown except when I went to court for jury duty and then once to bail someone out of jail.

On a Saturday night, too, downtown's crawling with the nightlife going to and fro for clubs or whatever the hell they do downtown. I finally found a street I recognized (the name only, since it was too damn dark to see anything. I made a quick turn and then got off of it instead of sticking it out. Then driving through a dark neighborhood I got tired of sitting at a red light when there was absolutely no one coming for a mile in each direction. So I drove through the red light (after looking, or course. I was sober and not stupid.)

I guess the thing I learned from this experience is that everything out there looks way different after dark. Even my own yard. Especially when there's no moon. And no lights out here in the mountains. Downtown made up for no lights, however.

I am determined not to go downtown ever again. If I get called for Jury Duty again I'm having someone drive me to the front door. Someone who knows where they're going.

Little Theater has been remodeled in recent years. They made it bigger. And put the seats closer together. I was in the middle of a row squished between other people with less leg (and arm) room than the average airplane seat. On top of that the woman in front of me was tall and I had to keep leaning from side to side or tilting my head from side to side which gave me a really nice neck ache.

I got there early because I was part of group of Sisters in Crime local chapter Croak and Dagger. We are the Albuquerque mystery writers and readers group. Last time we came to a play as a group, we were seated in the second row and the director of Little Theaters announced Sisters in Crime was there and had us stand up for applause. This time were sitting near the back and not acknowledged. Heck, as celebrities go we don't have many in Albuquerque. You'd think they'd be thrilled to let people know a group of writers were present. Oh well.

On top of that, the play that I can't even remember the name of (I think it was Sherlock Holmes Last Case) was terrible. Not only could I not see it, I couldn't hear it or understand it. The various actors performed with various bad accents passing badly for English and cockney, and some other unintelligible accents. One woman was talking in a high pitched voice with some sort of mangled accent and I couldn't understand a word she said.

On top of that she had a bad wig which came down so far on her forehead that I couldn't see her eyes. Not that I could anyway being seated so far back in the theater.

So that's the story on that.

And then today I got my next Matthew Goode movie from Netflix. It was one of his earlier films. Chasing Liberty and was a terrible movie. The actors were totally unconvincing. They looked as bored as I was. The girl was still a teenager, and the premise was stupid. It was just not believable. No heart. No intelligence. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Wait, the scenery was good but probably fake.

I can understand what Matthew Goode meant when he said in an interview that Leap Year was Chasing Liberty all over again. Many of scenes were major repeats of scenes in Leap Year. Only in Chasing Liberty they were awful. (At least in Leap Year the acting was good and showed a great deal more heart. The young people in Leap Year were older and took life a bit more seriously.

So if it snows here like the weather channel predicts, I will be snowed in with Chasing Liberty instead of the next Matthew Goode movie on my Netflix queue. WAAAAAAAAAA

Clothes & Size

I never thought I'd ever say this but all my damn clothes are too small for me.

I recently donated about two car fulls of clothes and other things to thrift stores (some were my late husband's clothes.) I donated the too old ones, the too boring ones, the too big ones, and some too small ones. Now I'm stuck between sizes and nothing fits.

It's like donating all the baby clothes and equipment and then getting pregnant again.

After I recovered from my serious illness, spinal surgeries, and open heart surgery in 2009, I weighed 120 lbs. for awhile. I was so scrawny that I cried every time I looked in a mirror. I looked 80 years old. Then I started walking and getting healthier (eating again after not eating for a year.) I started exercising and gaining weight. (A good deal of it was muscle that I regained.) At least I plumped out my wrinkles and sagging skin so I didn't look death warmed over anymore.

Thank goodness I didn't get up to what I used to weigh. It took an XL to cover me. Recently I'm able to fit into some of the clothes I used to have to squeeze into uncomfortably.

I have lost 10 lbs. recently without even trying. I am just not as hungry as I used to be. And my appetite for certain foods has lessened. I don't eat a lot of sweets anymore nor do I pop popcorn every night anymore.

I think part of the secret is to stick to that saying, "Don't eat after seven at night." If I get up early and I'm ready to get into bed, I'm too lazy to get back out of bed to go to the kitchen. Or fix something. I can't keep food in my room because the dog might sniff it and chomp into it in the middle of the night.

So, I guess I'll have to go shopping for some medium sized pants or else go try to find my former clothes at the thrift store.

Funny Ha Ha and Funny Strange

Since I am fairly sure none of my family, friends (or strangers, for that matter) are reading my blog and I'm writing for myself, (or is that to myself?) I might as well write what I want. And if you don't like it, you can just piss off (I say that because I am not sure I can say fuck off on blogspot.)

Old Age & Dying
You know, people don't die from old age when they get old. They die from Hell-in-a-handbasket Syndrome. When old folks get to the point they are sure the world is going to hell in a handbasket, they' ready to kick the bucket. If they aren't, they should be.

God
I do believe in an afterlife, but I'm still out to lunch on the issue of God. I would prefer Him to be a Her, quite frankly. I guess if I don't "believe" in God, I should go the the Unitarian Church. They don't mention God.

I like that anonymous comment on bumper stickers "Heck is where you go if you don't believe in Gosh." Read a bumper sticker near you. (I think that was a bumper sticker, too.)

I loved Ricky Gervais on YouTube discussing his views on religion in an interview. He said, "If there is a God, why did he make me an atheist?" I'm still laughing at that. The man is never going to hell in a handbasket.

If hell exists. Maybe hell is a handbasket.Hmmm.

I love Ricky Gervais's humor. I thought he was funny at the Golden Globe Awards. I'm sorry now I didn't watch it.

Internet
I saw an announcement on television (I think it was the Albuquerque weather channel) for the Marine Corp. They ended with that great picture of the men standing in their dress uniforms with the cool slogan: THE PROUD, THE FEW, THE MARINES, and I am sure I saw (in small print) marines.com.

Everything is dot com now. I wonder if you can truly join the military online. What do they do then? Come to your house and induct you? Drive up in the bus and pick you up? Or do they induct you on the internet or closed circuit TV?

Signs (No, I'm not talking about that Mel Gibson movie)
I'm sure you all (Who?)have seen the young people along side the road (or in the medians) holding up the sign (usually hand written) to draw you into restaurants and car washes. I saw one just a couple days ago for a new donut shop. That was very helpful since I drive by that location frequently and am I a sucker for donuts. Next time I'll slow down below the speed limit and try to turn in the parking lot. I hope they have drive up, since I am usually is a big hurry. But there's no time like the present for a donut.

Then I saw, a block farther down the same road, a guy holding a sign saying "Move in special. 2 bedrooms. Utilities paid." What the hell??? Is someone who happens to be driving by gonna say, "Hmmm. I think I'll have a donut." and then, "Oh. An apartment. I think I'll stop in and move," huh?

This is a bizarre world. Maybe it's going to hell in a handbasket. Oh no. Am I that old already?



Yeah, I DO think I'm funny (Image of handbasket I borrowed from the internet. So sue me.)

Clothing Mistakes

Back in the 1950's when I was young, my mother told me that when she was young, bras had'nt been invented yet. (She was born in 1916.)

Then bras were invented. What were they thinking? And pointed? (And what's with the tiny waists to go with pointed breasts? Corsets deformed a woman's ribcage. That can't be natural or comfortable. Torture like bras.)

Since bras have been invented, and they've worn universally by American women, the rise in breast cancer has become epidemic. Breast feeding, the natural purpose of the breast has been gradually decreasing over the last 50 or 60 years.

When are modern American women going to stop putting looks ahead of common sense and their own health? The fashion emphasis on having large breasts has increased in the 1990's to the ridiculous practice of artificially enhancing them (thus making a woman into a plastic doll?)

And what the hell is a training bra? Do they train the girls to wear bras? Or do they train the breasts the stay under control?

I don't understand men that don't prefer a natural set of breasts that feel real (not to mention feel good) to a pair that look good in a bathing suit or a wet T-shirt. I should think women who look good naked are preferable to women who look better dressed up.

And by the way, when did looks become the test for quality and worth in people instead of integrity, kindness, and ability to give and receive love? (Not to mention common sense.)

I think the people that invented the bra should've been shot. Metaphorically of course. Bras are perhaps the most uncomfortable pieces of clothing except for certain types of shoes. Bras are a modern form of torture.

Bras make people breathe wrong. People are supposed to expand when they breathe not squeeze their rib cages in. It's unhealthy to breathe "backwards" for very long. Personally I would prefer not to restrict the flow of enough oxygen to the brain.

Think about it. How many women rush home from work and tear off their clothes first thing to put on something comfortable? They are instinctively trying to breathe again. It's to escape from the torture of the bra.

Personally, since I am retired and don't care about sticking out my boobs to impress people anymore, I prefer undershirts. They're warmer in the winter and cooler in the summer.

I sometimes wear sports bras but have a struggle getting into them. I found that stepping into them and pulling them up is way easier than pulling them over my head and trying to slide them down. (Try it.) The only other difficulty with sports bras is that they get rid of cleavage. They squish the breast together in such a way that has created a new word: "uniboob."

I will barely mention high heeled shoes and the craziness of the people that invented them. I understand that men wore them back in the 1700's when they strolled around like peacocks. (Only the rich guys since the peasants were lucky if they even had shoes.)

I wore heels for years, even to work in. My feet were used to them, even walking around on cement floors at the LVMPD Records Bureau where it often felt I was walking my feet into nubs. I assume at a certain point my feet went numb. In fact, there were days I worked the busy counter when my feet hurt all the way up to my knees. When they begin to hurt up to my shoulders, I had to quit that job.

But I knew when it was time to give up high heels. And pantyhose. Another form of torture. Heck, I am old enough to remember times before they were invented. Pantyhose, as uncomfortable as they are, are better than garter belts and stocking with seams. (Yeah, I'm that old. It was very distracting to try to keep the seams straight!)

I wear socks now, yes, even to church. I have some pretty red ones for Valentine's Day. And thick fuzzy ones for winter. And comfortable shoes.

Okay. What about short skirts & dresses? They were a marvel when I was a teenager and a cocktail waitress and didn't really have to do anything but be pretty. (Hey, I worked in a upscale night club and was married. So not THAT kind of cocktail waitress.)

Since pants are in style now all over the world, I can't even see a need for dresses anymore unless it's something formal like a wedding--your own. I have a few formal and casual dresses with hemlines down to my ankles, but rarely wear them. Mostly I wear them in the summer because they are uncomfortable in the winter with cold air blowing up the bottom. (Their bottom and mine.)

Days are over when I need to show off my legs. They were fantastic but I don't need to get high on being judged on my fantastic looks anymore.

I'm a great person, even in sports bras and socks.

Leap Year The Movie -- Did They Do "It"? I say YES

Leap Year. Yes or No? YES. My reasons for thinking they did have sex/make love are below. (These are not in chronological order according to the events in the movie. I wrote them down as I thought of them.

1. He’s a guy and she’s an American. And this was in 2010 not 1910.
2. I ask myself what I would do if I were 20-something.
3. What did the characters say that also meant something else?
4. Numerous facial expressions throughout that say something else than what is actually said.
5. What he said when he came into the room to tell her he would drive her to Dublin. Highly suggestive and foreshadowing? "Come on. Let's do it. But only because you're desperate."6.
6. Declan telling the legend about the castle. What was that all about?
7. Why did Declan say "no peeking?" He wanted her to peek. After all, he peeked at her. It's like saying:(Try not to think about an elephant,right?)
8. Anna bumped into the door when leaving the room. She was looking back at him...dazzled by the sight of him with a towel around his waist. Naked muscles.
9. Frank saying at dinner: “You’re young, married, in love, anyone can see that.”
10. Them “faking” a kiss at the dining table and their reaction to it. Definately a serious communication that surprised them both.(Did you notice Anna how leaned into the kiss? He break it off. They looked into each others eyes and then went back to the charade. Immediately serious and embarrased. That was a real kiss. If you ask me that sealed their fate.
11. What do the words "chancers" and "cheats" refer to, used more than once?(see below.) Was he possibly thinking Anna was similar to Kaleigh. He was probably reluctant to be the one to make the first real move because he'd got burned once with Kaleigh.
12. Watch for the recurring elements that were used to indicate things from earlier scenes relating to what happened later. Also numerous facial or verbal expressions. i.e.: "You know I don't like surprises" and then "You just surprised me. You keep doing that." He told her to "shut up" when he was feeling bad, then when they were driving off at the end, she told him to "shut up" in a humerous way.
13. Declan's facial expressions after Anna says: “Fine, if it’s all about money to you, 675 Euros it is.” Was it? He frowned and thought it over. If he made it all about money, he wouldn't be able to make it about something else, would he? I don't think he wanted to be in bed with a girl and asking for money.
14. They looked at each other when they were both "secretly" turned on and quickly turned away. They were attracted, I surmise, not just in a state of lust. And do you think that was the end of it? The scene ended so we don't know for sure what happened after that, do we? Of course they made love.
15. Back to the time they were in the bed and breakfast deciding who'd sleep in the bed. Declan wanted to win that coin toss either way--heads or tails. He wanted to be in that bed with her regardless. Later in the hotel they were "saying" so much more than they really said. The tone of their voices was intimate. He said asking for the one bob in hushed tones after he glanced around to make sure no one was listening, "The one we flipped for the bed." (Why did she say "Liar" when she gave him the coin? What was she referring to? Maybe the fact of him getting into the bed regardless.
16. When he woke up in the morning and gently removed his hand from her shoulder, he looked at her and gave the tiniest of smiles. Don't miss it. He also looked not just at her face to make sure she was still asleep, but like he felt sure of her or what they had expressed in the night.
17. She has this look on her face when she wakes up. Did she look sort of thoughtful? Like feeling guilty maybe. Or knowing she was in love with him and what was she going to do now--it didn't fit into her plans.
18. When they were downstairs again and Anna was on the phone, Declan brings her breakfast he made for her as if it were a gift, a way to show his joy towards her. His tender enthusiasm turns to disappointment when he hears her on the phone with Jeremy. (Also, offering food is a symbol of offering love.)
19. I think Declan’s expression when Frank asks, “Did you sleep well, lovebirds” and winks. Did Frank perhaps hear something? Declan realized Frank knew. Declan didn't even answer him just turns away keeping his face devoid of expression.
20. Declan continually referring to diddly-eye...meaning “foolish” in Irish slang, implying she was "dancing" her way through life as a shallow person? Didn't he sound a little bitter about diddly-eye a couple of times he said it?
21. The whole thing at the bus station, facial expressions and what is said and not said. Affection, attachment? She saw he was disappointed she left on the bus, or he thinks so, and being happy when he realized she didn't. At that time she knew he cared for her and she was pleased.
22. The look on his face in the bus (contemplation)and him being comfortable with her head on his shoulder.
23. Declan gradually sharing his feelings from the beginning of the movie to the end. By the time they were on the bridge he was opening up to her. It intimate to share your deep feelings with someone. Bonding. But they were also holding back, wary of taking their feelings to the next level.
24. Declan’s tone of voice softening up throughout the movie. He revealed his sensitivity or whatever it's called. In real life men don't do that. Why is it the man I want doesn't exist?
25. Him saying, “You never let your hair down, woman,” and the look that went with it. He was teasing, but did he know she did let her hair down? Watch his face and eyes.
26. His reaction to her agreeing to dance at the wedding and the way he watched her dance. He looked happy instead in misery (about his broken heart over Kaliegh.)
27. On the beach after the wedding. Body language. She leaned against him several times torso to torso connecting. She looked comfortable doing that.
28. When she puked on his shoes and he mutters, “Now that’s romantic.” Having had sex the night before he felt it was romantic not just a free fuck.
29. The way they continually held back from declaring their feelings for each other. Waiting for a sign that the other really took it all seriously. It was obvious they were falling in love but each had a reason they didn't want to make it real by bringing out in the open.
30. One of the biggest plot tricks in romance writing and cinematography -- skipping ahead in the narrative/scene to further developments without actually showing them, i.e. leaving things entirely to the imagination. It my opinion that after the scene cuts to darkness, it was not the end of the action.
31. Matthew Goode’s remarks about it in one interview regarding his daughter being able to see the movie when she's older i.e., that there was nothing sexual, at least not on the screen. He obviously thought sex was implied off camera. Why else was the movie nearly given a PG-13 instead of PG? (Later I listed to his interview and that part had been cut.
32. Typical romance genre formula, sex is a given, even if it's not shown or mentioned. One romance writer said in an article: Some romance writers like to write the sexy love scenes in detail. Other others like to let their characters make love on the blank space between chapter." I paraphrase. (What do I know? I never finished writing my romance book.)
33. When Declan says, “I thought me and Kaleigh were mad for each other," and then added “Apparently not,” and the questioning look he gives Anna. This is my favorite scene, melted my heart. I think he was trying to ask her if it was the same way with her.
34. Asking for only “the one bob.” What did "bob" come to mean? Watch all the facial facial expressions and body language when they talked in the hotel lobby.
35. Jeremy asks if Anna "tipped" Declan and Declan says, “She paid me.” Related to what he said at the end, “It’s going to cost you,” What did she "pay" him with.
36. Oh. Anna was obviously flustered when Jeremy asks Declan “Did she take care of you?” Then Anna if she tipped Declan. Why was she so flustered? This scene makes absolutely no sense unless the answer to this subject is "yes." When Declan says, "She paid me," is he talking about money? And when Declan tells her at the end "It'll cost you," I don't think he meant money since money/payment mean something else to them. And why is he still calling her “bob” when they go on the honeymoon. Did "bob" come to mean something else to them? This is a very subtle word-play.
37. After she accepts his proposal, they kiss; dos that look like a first kiss?!?
38. Would they really get engaged on the basis of only one faked kiss?

Here's another interesting item...regarding symbols in the movie... Declan is always eating apples. The symbols for an apple is, of course, forbidden fruit as well as love, beauty, youth and happiness, according to the internet. It's interesting that he keeps biting into apples and tossing them away half finished. After the disappointment about the breakfast he'd made for Anna, he grabs up another apple. When he tosses the apple half eaten into the trash can, what do you think that means? Think about it.
_________________________________________________________
Definition of CHANCER British: a scheming opportunist
1. a two-faced chancer, he doesn't hesitate to dump people when they are no longer of any use; 2. betrayed by a chancer who, he mistakenly thought, was his friend

Definition of CHEAT: 1. to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud, 2. to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice

Do you think Declan was trying to determine if Anna was a chancer or cheat? Why would he even want to find that out? Based on what?

So let me know if anyone reads this and what you think about it.

When Weather Attacks

I feel so beat-up by the weather in 2010.

First that hail storm in October. I have NEVER seen a hail storm that bad in my entire life. The sound was horrid, scared the grandkids, like artillery hitting the house. Shattering of the skylights.

This led to another horrid experience, the roofing job. The insurance company promised to pay for the whole thing less my deductible. Fine. I was in charge of hiring the roofer. I picked Otero and Sons. In short, it was 6 weeks of very unpleasant experiences. I do not recommend hiring them. (I don't think they can sue me for being honest. I was not happy with my contact with them and the roof, something I will have to live with the rest of my life (in this house, assuming my kids won't send me to a nursing home when I get feeble.)

Now it's the snow. I bought a Ford Focus, not thinking ahead to snowfall in the mountains. As a matter of fact, I assumed that my family members and various service providers would have 4-wheel drive, so I'd be okay. The whole time I lived in the mountains I didn't need or use 4-wheel drive except on rare occasions. Front-wheel drive got me through. I most remember the time I drove to work down Sedillo Hill in neutral, the traffic was that slow.

Nor did I use air-conditioning until a few years ago--which included living in Las Vegas NV 16 years in the heat. I got used to desert living.

I am no longer used to snow. It strikes me with fear and loathing.

I have hired a snow plower and will undoubtedly hire him again and again for as long as it takes to get out of here alive.

Christmas week it was warm, light coats and pleasant sunshine...in the upper 40's and lower 50's in Albuquerque. Lows in the mountains about freezing. Wonderful winter weather, if you ask me.

Then the temps dropped below zero at night, warming up to 10 degrees during the days. Our water pipes froze. No water. Turned it back on when it melted and the pressure tank went up to 120 before we cut it back off. So still no water. Paid a small fortune to have an electrical fix it in the fall. Now what?!

I love Mother Nature. But I hate some of Her little gifts.

I certainly hope I do not have to add anymore disasters to this blog.

Grief and Me, BFF?

Hell, I was sitting here this morning in my robe on the computer--writing and playing games. And I was feeling "guilty" about it.

I judge myself for doing what I feel like doing. I always feel like I'm doing "something wrong."

Then I realized I was waiting for Ed to come home and approve of me so everything will be okay again.

He's not coming home anymore.

I wish I could go back to that moment in the hospital when he took his last breath, and yank him back.

I didn't mean to let him go.

Leap Year the movie

I have fallen in love with a movie and a movie character. Of course I love Amy Adams. I have been watching her movies so much lately I feel as if she's my new best friend. My BFF? She's always good. I love her acting. However, I am talking about her co-star "Declan O'Callaghan."

I admit I am a bit obsessive compulsive but the movie I am fascinated with is Leap Year. You might say I am addicted to it since I watched it on HBO every time it was on, then bought the DVD and have been watching it ever since. I'm getting' my money's worth out of that DVD, diddly-eye.

I have never seen Matthew Goode in a movie before this one. Never even heard of him. (In fact, when I saw this movie in the theater it didn't really impress me. Where was I? DUH.) But what I am sure of now is that his acting is absolutely amazing. I am just blow away by his portrayal of Declan O'Callaghan in Leap Year. (I joined NetFlix so I can see all his other movies.)

What makes it even more amazing is that Matthew Goode is completely submerged in the character he creates. Declan is scruffy, quiet, distant and then open with his feelings. Plus those expressive eyes and looks, and the facial expressions!?! OMG. There is just no Matthew Goode showing through the role. Declan is a real and unique person.

I assumed Goode was like other actors--playing a role and bringing a good deal of himself into it. But the character in the movie is absolutely not Matthew Goode! Now that I have seen interviews of Matthew Goode online, seeing how he looks,how he sounds, I simply cannot even imagine that Matthew Goode is underneath the guy that's Declan O'Callaghan. Goode is a master and a genius at creating a film persona. He loses himself and becomes the role. If he keeps it up and they give him some good scripts, he might just be one of the best actors ever.

It's not just good acting, it's a conjuring trick, a feat of magic. I have rarely if ever seen such a thing. For instance, I used to love Gerry Butler movies. I didn't fall in-love with his characters, I fell in love with him. In all his pictures I could still see the actor under the costume and underneath/within the role. In fact, I think he often just pays himself with a different name. Even as different as he was in 300, I still knew it was Gerry. Even when he does Irish, British or American accents instead of using his lovely Scots accent, he is still and actor in a role.

This is so not true with Matthew and Declan. Matthew is in a class by himself. A magnificent actor. I am so going to join Netflix so I can see all his movies. (I assume he is a fabulous actor in all of them.) And he's a cutie. Especially those big blue eyes.

It's still amazing for me to see Leap Year and read all the meanings I find in it (whether they are there or not or it's just me, I don't know. I'm a Gemini. We see meaning in everything even when it's not there.) I think it's absurd that critics criticized Leap Year. What the heck? The fans love it and it has developed a new following from the DVD than there was for the original movie. People are still talking and writing about it. And of course, like me, watching it again and again.

One of the things I like about the movie is technique employed similar to that used in The Sixth Sense: skipping from scene to scene obviously leaving things to the imagination as a way to advance the plot and create some mystery into the story. For example the first time I saw Leap Year on HBO, I assumed, along with other viewers,that Declan and Anna slept in the same bed in the B & B and avoided temptation. That's how it appears.

Later, it dawned on me that they DID do it, and the whole movie became much more understandable. I have written a list of 38 hintsin the movie that prove Declan and Anna, OF COURSE, made love at the B & B. I put these in a more recent blog entry. (Please send comments...even if you want to argue about it.)

Everything after that point in the movie make a huge amount of sense. Look at the eyes, the looks, and the dialog, and you'll see what I mean. (One big reason is that he's a guy. He's a guy. Duh. And she's an American girl. And he wanted to win the coin toss so that he could have the bed, and she would have to get into bed with him. And listen to the words of the song. There are numerous clues, before and after the "event."

Other things in the movie that have double meaning: At the castle, was he or wasn't he hitting on her? He was telling a legend about the original couple that came to that castle and finally consummated their love after a time of not wanting to two-time the man she was betrothed to. I think Declan was admitting how he didn't want to betray the other man in Anna's life, and how much he valued love and the consummating of it.

He also revealed his values and integrity when he said in the garden, "A father is someone you can rely on."

The story might be formula romance (like in the romance novel genre.) Except this story has a few switcheroos. In a romance it is usually the girl that takes sexual relations seriously and feels sad that the guy doesn't. In this story it's Declan that takes the love making seriously and was hurt that Anna didn't seem to take it as seriously.

Remember the scene in Dublin on the bridge? Declan was talking about his feelings (do guys only do this in romance novels and movies?) When he said, "I thought me and Kaleigh were mad for each other." Then he turns to Anna and says, "Apparently not." His face, eyes and demeanor are really saying, "I thought our love making at the B & B meant something. Did it mean anything to you?" He held himself back from speaking his mind frankly to her until he saw she was open to a relationship.

It wasn't his male ego that was hurt, it was his heart that was wounded, maybe his whole life. He didn't want Anna to "fix" him, he just wanted a sign from her that she was becoming a real person, willing to really value things in life like he did, seek true love instead of just romance, willing to be seek something other than material riches.

Diddly-eye ( i.e., dance your way along in life in foolishness? No one is sure what this means. It could be a reference about her way of making plans and being in control of things. In several instances he seems to mean that.) I believe he wanted a sign from her that she was something beyond shallow. He was waiting for an indication from her that she was willing to become sincere, genuine and caring. If she didn't show that, he didn't really want her. That's one reason he walked away when Jeremy proposed to her. She appeared to be still attracted to that big ring and a life of security with a man that she didn't love. Materialistic and a high society life style. He probably felt he couldn't offer her that type of life and wealth.

Read his facial expressions. Remember the scene when Declan's patrons/friends toss in extra money to save the pub from repossession? Declan puts his head down and give a half smile and shakes his head. This, to me, indicates that he was pleased and surprised to see people loved him and he's getting something he wants and needs. (His self-esteem might have been damaged when Kaleigh left him?) So when Anna is speaking to him in the pub near the last scene, and he lowers his head, gives that half smile, and shakes his head, it means the same. Not, "no, I don't want you" or "No, it's too little too late." It means, "I don't believe this. She loves me and I'm getting what I want." When she came back to him with a new appreciation of what life in Ireland with him, it was the sign he had been waiting for that she was ready to be a real person and live a life other than diddly-eyeing. He could then take strong positive action and move forward confidently.

The story is told in the facial expressions. And the key to the story is the recurring themes. The screenplay is great, the acting and direction are great.
Formula romance is pure fantasy, but Leap Year, while fun and funny, has serious,complex, and touching aspects that goes way beyond typical romance. It's a shame that romantic comedy isn't taken very seriously by critics and many viewers (they won't even look at them, dismiss them as "chick flicks." But Leap Year is a good movie not just a good chick flick romantic comedy. The caliber of Amy Adams and Matthew Goode lift this movie way beyond where it could have gone with two other actors.

Oh, another thing I like about this movie, it keeps changing or I notice more every time I see it. I noticed that Anna was the one approaching Declan. I am sure he thought she was a control-freak and was avoiding that. But she leaned into the kiss at the dinner table. She was the one approaching him to talk about personal things like on the bridge asking him about "chancers & cheaters." She was the one that stood in his face and pushed her body up against him on the beach at the wedding and told him what a lovely, lovely lion he was and tried to kiss him (even tho she was drink and puked. She was the one moving towards him and not being "sincere" about it. He was the one disappointed and waiting for her to grow up and wake up and admit she wanted him. So she came back to Ireland and "proposed" to him. It is the reverse of a typical romance where the guy is taking the girl for granted, coming on to her yet keeping his distance and the girl is the one who wants a more serious relationship and is hurting until it unfolds. In this switcheroo it's the guy in that role. Hmmm, clever.

In other words, Leap Year is worth seeing. Do it! And now that I have studied the movie to death, it's time to write my own romance novel. I have to do that while I am single because I plan on getting a new true love one of these days even if he's an old geeZER.

I have found a couple of downsides to watching good romantic comedies: You fall in love with a guy young enough to be your son, and find out again that the man you want doesn't really exist. (SIGH)

Okay, I gotta stop writing for tonight and watch a little Leap Year before bedtime. Declan is whispering in my ear, "Dream a little dream of me..."

Is it Normal Grief or Depression?: Beneficial Artical

Is it Normal Grief or Depression?: How to Decide If You Are Grieving or Depressed

Grief and Depression from my perspective

I keep trying to explain to people (well, a few of them) the difference between grief and depression. I AM experiencing grief because my husband died June 6, 2009, and the heart revisits other losses and the grief they brought (especially if it was not fully felt.)

But depression is different. A lot of people have theories as to what depression is and what to do about it.

The point I would like to make is that real clinical depression and Bipolar depression are a physiological disorder and have to do with brain chemistry or brain processing things like (and I am not a professional here) electrical synapses or neurotransmitters.

I would prefer to have NO comments about this, since understanding or learning ABOUT or hearing what people's helpful comments are as to what depression it, doesn't HELP. In fact, comments from people as to what they think it is are really not supportive at all.

Knowing about depression is not the same as knowing depression.

Here is the difference from my experiential perspective.

Grief is centered in the heart. When a bout of grief hits me, my heart aches (it is real pain) and I cry and feel it intensely. When I feel my grief and express it (mostly with crying and/or body language, whatever) the feeling is one of release and healing. When the bout is over (until the next time it strikes) I feel relief and certain healing, a wellness of being, a love of life, and hope or even eagerness for the future. It's like drawing closer to the light at the end of the tunnel and I see the light growing bigger and brighter. It has a spiritual context for Light, too, but that is not important in this blog entry here.

However, depression is centered in the head. It's a thing of thoughts. It's a psychic experience (not the ESP meaning of psychic.) I experience it like I have a hamster wheel in my brain and I run around and around looking for a comforting though. And can't find one. Like running down a long hall way and trying to find a room to go into to feel safe, but all the doors are locked. That kind of feeling. The sadness is not related to circumstances or situations, it's just that everything appears to be unbearably sad no matter what it is -- things that a little while ago were okay, acceptable, manageable, maybe joyful even.

Crying with depression makes the experience worse and worse until the pain brings on despair. When grief hits, the expression of it occurs and it's alleviated and bearable.

But expressing depression doesn't feel healing, it is not alleviated. The "end" of feeling depression is a state of numbness when I don't feel anything at all.

Expressing and feeling grief turns me back on to life, experiencing depression removes me from life.

So, this is my opinion. Keep in mind arguing about this won't make anyone feel better. I don't need opinions. If you want to comment, send some love to me..

Please go to the link published on my blog above for a good entry on grief vs. depression. Thanks.

Sherlock

New series on PBS: Sherlock (a 21st century "consulting detective") starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman as Dr. John Watson. EXCELLENT. WONDERFUL. FABULOUS.

I loved the "old" Sherlock, too. But this show is phenomenal.

Cumberbatch is good, fascinating, and strikingly handsome in an exotic way (love that curly hair and blue blue eyes) but Martin Freeman is funny, cute, and a wonderful actor and I adore his Dr. Watson struggling to maintain equilibrium while following along on the radical adventures of the young Sherlock Holmes.

Watch it. It's good.

MORE MORE MORE ! We want more ! Tell BBC and PBS!!!

NaNoWriMo

I am taking the challenge. National Novel Writing Month. Check out the website. I am going to write a novel in November. I have to come up with an idea, stick with it and type my fingers to the bone. (I hope some characters contact me in my dreams before Nov. 1 and give me the plot they want. Heck, the genre, too.) Wish me luck!

Assignment for Unity Basics Class

RE: Early Beliefs Systems

I don’t feel I have any old religious beliefs from my childhood, especially ones that are holding me back. I used to think Moses really parted the Red Sea and that Transcendentalism was cool in high school but I didn’t think there were any Transcendentalism churches. (Back east was very traditional in the 50’s and early 60’s. All there was was Christians, Jews, and, I suppose, atheists.)

I joined the local community church because it was closest to home. Luckily, I had an open-minded Sunday school teacher in high school who had us reading the Bible and participating in discussions where we could explore and express our opinions and beliefs. I also liked Catholicism because of the ritual and feminine aspect (Mother of God) and attended that church occasionally—though it was a longer walk.

I realized in college that studying history was basically studying religion because the political history of the world is basically religious history. I got hooked. Eventually I studied a little bit of a lot of religions in the 60’s and 70’s including Zen. I was what they now refer to as a “seeker” (as well as a hippie, a drunk, and a pot-head among other vices.)

I have worked on one 12-Step program after another since the late 1970’s. As a result got rid of my old ideas and started on the path of “change your mind, change your life.”

I found Science of Mind in Las Vegas NV (of all places, sin city!) and stayed with that the longest. I took some of the classes more than once and went through half of Practitioner II training. I met the true love of my life at Rel.Sci. church in Las Vegas and spent 22 wonderful years married to him. I also got into A Course in Miracles off and on for more than 20 years.

After I quit working at age 55, I got my BS, MS and PhD in Metaphysics from the American Institute of Holistic Theology. That and $2.95 will get me a cup of coffee. Since then I’ve written and published a couple of books. (flash fiction humor and and poetry.)

I’ve recently gone back to 12-Step meetings because I was having a hard time with my grief after my husband died in June 2009. I did grief work and I’m learning to lead an individual life and still growing as a person.

I have developed to the point I am no longer “seeking” and no longer motivated to keep learning as fervently as I once did (my head is full.) But I hope I keep learning from life and from others and expanding my consciousness, knowledge and capabilities for the rest of my life. That includes continuously working Step 11: Seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God (as I understand God,) praying only for knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry it out. In addition I want to learn to give more, love more, practice the spiritual principles I have/will learn, and to enjoy life.

I started attending Unity church because it was closest to my home in the mountains. And I find now that it is closest to the religious experience I wish to have and because Sunday services at Albuquerque Unity are fun!

SandyJoy Schairer Oct. 20, 2010

Photo of me at new friends' house in San Jose

Photo by my daughter in law Nicole

After SisterSpirit Hearts on Fire Retreat May 2010

New poem:

I used to be sad
Now I'm not
I was closed
Now I'm open,
I was bound
Boundless now
Joyful, alive & free.

I used to be a stranger
Now I'm definitely ME,
I put away my old role
To loosen up my soul,
Have a brand new role now
Authenticity.

I used to be asleep
Now I'm wide awake
I live to give
And give to live
With a GREAT BIG JUICY LIFE!

Joy S Schairer
Thanks to Future Rev. Mrs. Abigail, the Dream Team, and all the wonderful new friends at SisterSpirit

Poem by Sandy Schairer Jan. 30, 2010

Poem Sandy Schairer

Yes
They cow did jump over the moon
They told me so when I was four
However
What's more
They never told me about
The Korean War

I was 5
I could have been trusted with
that information

I'm still alive, by the way
Lived through VietNam Era:
Stoned, afraid, alone

No no Not alone
I had 2 kids, 2 parents, 4 grandparents,
and a lover Bobby
And Allen and Jay and Rod
And whatever that guy's name
In the next apartment was
Not necessarily in that order

I danced back then
On self-medication
Alcoholic Beverage

I danced again 40 years later!
SOBER
It was FINE

I love myself now
And I'm recovering from...from...???
All of it!
I give myself permission
Always and forever.

End

Happy New Year

BAH HUMBUG

Blogs may express sentiments that are out of date

Here is where I stand now on the opposite-sex friendships. They are not as impossible as I once thought they were. From my hand written journal see below:

_________________________________________

" My male-friend and I seem to have an enthusiasm for exploring human nature and willingness to do that together or at the same time. It’s not predictable or “standard” but it’s good just like it is. Real with real ups and downs.

“Good for us! We’re doing well.

“IT’S GOING TO BE OKAY. EVERYTHING IS [ALWAYS] OKAY.

“By joining our paths for awhile we will grow in confidence and capability and be stronger, more alive people, able to go on as individuals and perhaps have future partners afterward more completely and easily.

“I really, really want to have a learning relationship that is based on two strong individuals− no dependency or ownership, no serious jealousy and no judging or condemning the way each of us is. Just acceptance and a willingness to try.

“I need to become a complete whole person and individual in myself and I think the right type of non-committed, loving friendship with freedom to give and freedom to be free would help me become a “grown-up,” stable woman who could accept a man just the way he really is.

“I just can’t get over how much my communication is helping me understand myself! Wow.

“With a friend so sweet, open and honest, I can’t help loving him.

“Later: I think an active and even difficult learning experience within a mysterious, unpredictable relationship − especially an intense one in many areas − is a great opportunity in life.

Even later: “I think what I want to learn eventually is how to share love on an emotional basis as honestly and direct as I can be − not just going through the motions but intimacy and caring and giving and receiving with awareness and openness.” [Without hiding or retreating, or overwhelmed with fear, I mean.]


“It would be so good to have that kind of loving experience in this lifetime before it’s over.


"I want a close friendship with affection but not be ‘a couple,’ not to go places as ‘a unit.’ I want my freedom, my friends and my separate life, activities, decisions and my own home, my own stuff, and my privacy.


But I do want to give this strange 'educational' relationship a chance to develop. So wish us some luck."
_______________________

Nothing happens by accident. We draw people into our lives for a reason. And everything works out for the best if we acknowledge the guidance of Spirit in everything that happens. Nothing happens in the long-run, except by God's Will.

More on Friendships

I find it impossible or maybe just horribly painful, to try to maintain a friendship with a person that you really love. You force yourself to accept crumbs off the table, in hopes you'll get invited to the grand banquet sooner or later.

A great deal of the ups and downs in relationships are created by your own mind. You feel happy when the person wants to hear from you and greets you warmly, may even seek out your attention. You feel miserable thinking that you are perhaps wasting your time on something that is no more than a wish or an illusion.

There is the uncomfortable feeling that you'd like to have more relating to a more satisfying degree. Like wanting to see someone on a certain day but afraid that if you let your happiness hinge on that fleeting possibility, the other person will shy away from that. Big question--do you even have a right to expect more?

It's nearly impossible to not want what you want.

Too controlling? Too needy? Too, too.

Whatever.

I want to enjoy my close friendship with a certain person, and I want to be satisfied, or rather happy, with what I do receive. But am I selling myself short? Could I take that same time to get to know someone else with whom the chances of a romance and love affair are better than 5 or 10%? Should anything but 100% be worth it to me? Is that merely my7 old "either/or" thinking? Is sticking by a close friend in hopes they will someday feel they want to be with you in equal intensity that you crave, harmful to your feelings and your life?

I just don't know. I just know that some days I am elated and happy, and other days I am very down and crying for wanting that special someone. Would another person even fill my needs when I have strong feelings for someone who doesn't return the attraction/affection?

I wish I could find out without having to find out, if you know what I mean.

Is a lifetime (what's left of it) with a particular loved-one preferable to chasing after relationship after relationship and coming up with something really different than you would like it to turn out>

I just don't know. I guess I should take my own advice and not try to be genuine friends with a member of the opposite sex. Maybe it's perfect like it is, and I have to learn to live with what comes my way, rather than forcing my will on the issue and probably ruining the remote chances of a relationship that my heart would prefer.

If this makes no sense, think how I feel living it.

To borrow a concept/saying: Is a few crumbs in the hand worth more than a possibility of a future meal at the dining room table?

Help.

Blog "Articles"

My blog articles are meant to be entertainment and not advice. I am speaking of my latest emotional, mental and spiritual challenges, and I do like to encourage others to journal in private for your eyes only and send the essence of your received inspiration and guidance to a blog of your own.

Comments appreciated!!!

And please consider buying my poetry book for yourself or a friend for holiday gift giving.

I just decided to go communicate with live people today, so I'm off the internet. Toodles.
Love and Light, Sandy "Joy"

Opposite-Sex Friendships--What do you think?

I don't believe that men and women can be just friends (for very long.)

Unless one of them is gay.

Or if they have no emotions, their minds are hearts are detached or they only want a f**k buddy. (That is like lighting matches and seeing how long you can hold one until it burns you.)You either make a move for a more solid relationship or get burned which is more likely. Both are a form of gambling.

First off, men don't understand how women communicate. And they can't interpret what a woman means either verbally or with body-language. Very few men can pick up on emotions, vibes or signals...unless they are emotion/energy vampires. Most people are terrified of commitment and being open emotionally, especially men, but quite a few women. Then again, when people have lived a long time and are familiar with both good relationships and also what it's like to be rejected a number of times, they tend to weigh the odds and opt out of taking a chance more often than not. Not worth the gamble with their hearts. Too painful. On the other hand, if they say they do want emotional intimacy, they just find some other excuse to keep their distance.

Secondly, sexual tension usually drives one of the opposite-sex-just-friends crazy and they tend to run away as fast as they can (or succumb to the temptation and make a mess of things.) Maybe it will eventually develop it into an affair, or a romance, or even a marriage. On the other hand it could result in a broken-heart. (Or a sad opinion of yourself as judged by someone who has refused your romantic attentions. My advice it keep it light-hearted until you know which way it's going.) The other way, i.e. forcing the issue too soon is like diving off a cliff, sometimes you land in the water, but more likely you will land on the rocks. Ouch.)

Perhaps the whole issue calls for some serious prayer time.

Actually if you read clues you can see what's coming. People have intuition, especially women. If it doesn't feel good or it's a little off, it's probably a mistake. Sticking out a friendship that isn't working is still a gamble but it can be like a drug or a game or contest -- sometimes you win but not often. And people bring their pasts and their baggage with them...they get into faulting each other based on what someone else might have done to them.

I guess opposite-sex friendships are doomed in the long run.

I am so glad I had the wonderful loving relationship with my late husband for the whole 22 years I knew him. And glad we were able to become friends after we were older, had been married for a long time (when he started going deaf, was worn out from working too hard and trying to make ends meet, and our love life was put on hold due to illnesses. Then he died. Without friendship we would have been miserable. We had a good foundation of unconditional, spiritual, love. Thank you, God. It was wonderful--just 22 years seems too short a time in a long life to be in love.)

As far as men of an older age, shall we say, that aren't interested in recruiting lovers among women their own age, "You have no idea what you are missing. Don't be so stupid. What are you waiting for, someone to throw the dirt over your coffin? Sorry, that'll be too late."

In fact, unless you men have the body of a Greek God and a wonderful, well-adjusted psyche, don't even think that women who aren't still 20 years old, and no longer pretty & shapely, aren't good enough for you. Maybe an older woman can offer more in the quality of a deep and equal relationship than a girl who's got the looks. Besides, how do you think the girls are gonna look 30 or 40 years from now? How will you look by then?

Does anybody, man or woman, want to be judged by looks? It's unkind. It could make us so self-conscious we'd all be incapable, if you know what I mean. Look around. There are very few movie-star beautiful people wandering around in reality.

The body is just a vehicle for the person: the heart, mind and soul. Why does it matter so much to you to have a perfect body? It's a useful tool to communicate with and touch the beauty in every person and experience. Use it or loose it.

Some guys are like dogs that chase cars. What would a chihuahua do with a Lexus if it caught one? Ha. Contrary to popular American thinking, women are not over the hill when they hit age 49. Like, if a guy has a pot-belly, where does he get off criticizing me for having one?

I HATE the double standard. Heck, I thought we handled all this back in 1965 or 1970--when was the sexual revolution?--forgodsake. And don't pretend it's okay to call a woman friend and tell her about all your young lovers (which we doubt are true anyway, and, hey buddy, it hurts even if we are "just friends." Even tho I believe just friends is a myth. We all want love which is just a glorified form of acceptance. My mentor Wally Minto said that love is allowing a person to be what they are and not what their not. I like that definition. I try to do that. If you want to disprove it, I'll take on your argument. (Add comments below, men and women.) Don't take this personally either, I might not mean YOU you. More like the universal you. All of us.

Disclaimer: This is my opinion as a writer and is, in no way, intended to be based on my own life, nor to reflect negatively on any person alive or dead. And absolutely not meant to be a psychological or scientific article, diagnosis for your problems, nor advice. You're on your own, kids, just like I am. Good luck.

Read my personal comment below. And feel free to send me a comment. Looking forward to it.

From my Friend Heather & Her Website: The Language of Love

From my friend Heather and her website The Silent Language of Peace

The Golden Key by Emmet Fox at aspaceoflove.com

Intro. to The Golden Key by Emmet Fox

For those who have been listening to The Silent Language of Peace, (you can find it in our Free Downloads too) the following booklet - published in 1931 - will seem familiar, and somewhat similar to the OK Concept by Wally Minto (track 3). But there is an important difference. If you've worked with the OK Concept you'll know how life-changing it is when you stop focusing on anxious, fearful thoughts.

The Golden Key takes this process one step further. It explains the importance of releasing the problem and then turning all of your focus to God. You can do this by practicing the toning-meditation (SLP track 7 ) and focusing on peace, but to go a step further you focus on God, the Universe, Divine Love, Infinite Wisdom...whatever you want to call it - just focus there.

I found this booklet just over a month ago, and I've watched one miracle after another unfold gracefully and easily. I hope you'll enjoy is too! (You can listen, download or read!) Heather

THE GOLDEN KEY
by
Emmet Fox

FOREWARD I have compressed this booklet into six pages. Had it been possible I would have reduced it to six lines. It is not intended to be an instructional treatise, but a practical recipe for getting out of trouble. Study and research are well in their own time and place, but no amount of either will get you out of a concrete difficulty. Nothing but practical work in your own consciousness will do that. The mistake made by most people, when things go wrong, is to skim through book after book, without getting anywhere. Read the Golden Key several times. DO exactly what it says, and if you are persistent enough you will overcome any difficulty. Emmet Fox THE GOLDEN KEY

SCIENTIFIC PRAYER will enable you to get yourself or anyone else, out of any difficulty. It is the golden key to harmony and happiness.

To those who have no acquaintance with the mightiest power in existence, this may appear to be a rash claim, but it needs only a fair trial to prove that, without a shadow of doubt, it is a just one. You need take no one's word for it, and you should not. Simply try it for yourself.

God is omnipotent, and we are God's image and likeness and have dominion over all things. This is the inspired teaching, and it is intended to be taken literally, at its face value. The ability to draw on this power is not the special prerogative of the mystic or the saint, as is so often supposed, or even of the highly trained practitioner. Everyone has this ability Whoever you are, wherever you may be, the golden key to harmony is in your hand now. This is because in scientific prayer it is God who works, and not you, and so your particular limitations or weaknesses are of no account in the process. You are only the channel through which the divine action takes place, and your treatment will be just the getting of yourself out of the way.

Beginners often get startling results the first time, for all that is essential is to have an open mind and sufficient faith to try the experiment. Apart from that, you may hold any views on religion, or none.

As for the actual method of working, like all fundamental things, it is simplicity itself. All you have to do is this: Stop thinking about the difficulty, whatever it is, and think about God instead. This is the complete rule, and if only you will do this, the trouble, whatever it is, will disappear. It makes no difference what kind of trouble it is. It may be a big thing or a little thing: it may concern health, finance, a lawsuit, a quarrel, an accident, or anything else conceivable: but whatever it is, stop thinking about it and think of God instead -- that is all you have to do.

It could not be simpler, could it? God could scarcely have made it simpler, and yet it never fails to work when given a fair trial.

Do not try to form a picture of God, which is impossible. Work by rehearsing anything or everything that you know about God. God is wisdom, truth, inconceivable love. God is present everywhere, has infinite power, knows everything, and so on. It matters not how well you may think you understand these things: go over them repeatedly.

But you must stop thinking of the trouble, whatever it is. The rule is, to think about God. If you are thinking about your difficulty, you are not thinking about God. To be continually glancing over your shoulder in order to see how matters are progressing is fatal, because it is thinking of the trouble, and you must think of God and nothing else. Your object is to drive the thought of the difficulty out of your consciousness, for a few moments at least, substituting for it the thought of God. This is the crux of the whole thing. If you can become so absorbed in this consideration of the spiritual world that you forget for a while about the difficulty, you will find that you are safely and comfortably out of your difficulty -- that your demonstration is made.

In order to "golden key" a troublesome person or a difficult situation, think. "Now I am going to 'golden key' John, or Mary. or that threatened danger": then proceed to drive all thought of John, or Mary, or the danger out of your mind, replacing it with the thought of God.

By working in this way about a person, you are not seeking to influence his conduct in any way, except that you prevent him from injuring or annoying you, and you do him nothing but good. Thereafter, he is certain to be in some degree a better, wiser, and more spiritual person, just because you have "golden keyed" him. A pending lawsuit or other difficulty would probably fade out harmlessly without coming to a crisis, justice being done to all parties concerned.

If you find that you can do this very quickly, you may repeat the operation several times a day with intervals between. Be sure, however, each time you have done it, that you drop all thought of the matter until the next time. This is important. We have said that the golden key is simple, and so it is, but of course it is not always easy to turn. If you are very frightened or worried, at first it may be difficult to get your thoughts away from material things. But by constantly repeating a statement of absolute Truth, such as: There is no power but God: I am the child of God, filled and surrounded by the perfect peace of God: God is love; God is guiding me now; or, perhaps best and simplest of all. God is with me -- however mechanical or trite it may seem -- you will soon find that the treatment has begun to "take." And that your mind is clearing. Do not struggle violently; be quiet, but insistent. Each time you find your attention wandering, switch it back to God.

Do not try to think in advance what the solution to your difficulty will be. This is called "outlining" and will only delay the demonstration. Leave the question of ways and means to God. You want to get out of your difficulty...that is sufficient. You do your half, and God will never fail to do God's.

"Whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved." (Acts 2:21). Updated 11/30/09

Click on Heather's website link at the beginning of this post to hear her read it and see the pictures, and find other helpful information, spiritual support, and benefits of her ministry.

Thanks for reading me and discovering Heather. "Love is the answer, it doesn't matter what the question is." Anon.

Love, Sandy

Mental Health Day Nov 30 -- Find me on Facebook too

I took the day off Monday from being a human being and running in the human rat race. I sat with my feelings all day and felt my (EMOTIONAL) pain and did no OC behavior to assuage it. (OC: obsessive compulsive.) I didn't drink, drug, overeat, shop, gamble, play with fire (seduce anyone) or call someone to whine. I just sat and felt my feelings. I knew the miserable feelings would pass (or I would eventually. LOL)

My thinking was a bit awful so I ignored it. I get in those self-pity modes and try to switch over to intellect instead of emotional "level." It's hard because my mind keeps commenting on everything (mostly negatively) and making my heart ache more...thoughts and feelings like "nobody loves me anymore," or "nobody calls me." All that stuff that is just not true...well, maybe a little true some days, but mostly it's my ego trying to sabotage me.

AHA. I waited it out; so today I woke up feeling really well...not just good, but well. I admitted "the truth of my emotion level" whatever it involved yesterday, and sat with it, didn't try to fix it or fix myself or ask someone to fix me or fill me up with substitute (or fake?) emotions or other addictive & repetitive behavior. I waited it out.

I feel pretty good now too, about myself and my life. Sane, energetic, and back to being a wonderful being of Light and Love. Thank you, HP (Higher Powers.)

How philosophical.

I have avoided my feelings for long enough, probably 60 some years, when my baby brother was born and destroyed my illusions of being the only baby in the world, the center of the universe and subject of my parent's & grandparents total adoration. I felt the Universe pulled the rug out from under me. And I couldn't handle it. (Sorry Ted, no offense.)

So instead of letting my little heart heal, I went on to break my own heart over and over by gathering evidence both real and fantastical. It amounted to having an inferiority complex and a superiority complex at the same time. DUH. (Well, I am a writer and am nothing if I don't have a highly active imagination. I don't need to use it as a club to beat myself up with, however.)

In reality I am fine, have always been fine and it took me a half a century to begin to love myself. And recognize my tendency to hate myself on behalf of other people. That is sick behavior. That is why I have attended various 12-Step and healing groups over the last 35 or 40 years (don't ever stop growing.) I feel the program is my real roots and the place I can go to be 100% my real self and be unconditionally accepted by non-judgmental people like me. (Growing not flawed.)

I also decided yesterday, "I want to be alone" at the same time I want to be with other people, or maybe one particular person. That's a paradox that I can only handle one day at a time. Yesterday I was unhappy that I wasn't able to spend more time (another hour, day, or even a week or month) in close proximity to a beloved friend. Today, it's OK. He's fine, I'm fine -- exactly like it "should" be. I am enjoying my own company and following my favorite pastime, writing. I can make room for friends and private time and keep growing.

I am snapping out of those "bad" moods quicker than I used to. YAY. And I can begin to love people without having to pressure them or "own" them but more able to wish for their happiness and well-being -- with unconditional and Divine Love. (I've been on that Universal rug (foundation) all along and just couldn't see it. I am so grateful when I do see and feel it. Reality is awesome. I love LIFE.

I do want to have a deep healing so I can offer a possible future partner a whole, loving, stable, kind, mature, confident, independent and spiritual soulmate. Not just to capture someone who's stumbling along like me and using them to lean on, or take on the job of trying to fix them (or make them worse, godforbid) in order to avoid my own growth and enlightenment (and usefulness for that matter.)

I don't feel that the people I most wish to communicate with and also want to unintentionally avoid revealing myself to, are ever going to go out of their way to read my blogs. So if they do, fine. If not, that's okay too. Love ya'all.

I am a Gemini mostly and swing back and forth from passionately experiencing opposite states of being and moods in my head, heart and even soul. I need to work around that, it ain't gonna go away by itself.

A friend recently said he doesn't "trust" people that are always in a good mood. Well, I called him on that since he always appears to be in a cheerful & good mood all the time. (Tho he has emotional struggles, and I am able to not judge him or desire to fix him. Progress!)

I probably come across as cheerful all the time, too, to some people, but I know that is not the real me (or real anyone) anymore than the sad me is all me -- we all experience ups and downs and we're supposed to, I think. Part of living life.

When I got out of my intellectual state of mind and made a half-hearted attempt to express my feelings (albeit in a watered-down, even cryptic way,) my friend laughed at me! It disappointed me, but I understand now. Being secretive instead of frank is manipulative in some ways. (If you are reading this, T, I apologize.)

My inner child is such a spoiled brat!!! Ooh, ooh, ooh. Snatching defeat out of the jaws of success time after time. Time to STOP that.

So, instead of putting this on facebook to a few people that I try to live vicariously through, especially the successful authors like I wish I were,) I am putting my emotional leaps and bounds out here in cyberspace for millions (?) of people to read. Especially the ones like me, friends, and other perfect strangers. (You can fool some of the people some of the time...like Honest Abe said. Kidding.)

It is no good staying aloof for an entire lifetime. I must become open and honest (especially with myself) and stop hiding if I want to survive as an effective and liberated senior citizen. That is called emotional honesty. My new goal.

Thank you to my friends and other strangers who support me in this adventure. (And thanks to those I love and those that love me, you know who you are.)

Amen.
Comments? Email me. See my comment below.

By the way: I asked my grown son one night if he thought I would ever be able to get a "boyfriend" again (now that I'm old and a widow.) And he said, "Why don't you call [a certain person we both know] and ask him out?" I said, "I tried that and he's not interested." I then added, "Besides, he is a little bit crazy." And my son paused and said, "So are you, Mom." I said, "Exactly, that's why we would be good for each other!"