RAINING IN NEW MEXICO?

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Good lord and lady, it's raining here in the mountains! No wonder my joints were aching yesterday. (That and lifting the filled 20-pound (or is it 20-gallon?) propane tank. I can see I'm going to have to have some help with tanks when I live alone. A dolly or a serious cart. I doubt it would work to roll a full tank. I really don't want to blow up. If I do I'd rather die quick. I HATE going to the hospital for extended visits. And I really LOVE having skin.

On the other hand, I could get an electric hot water heater if I should hit the lottery. A hot water heater and taking a trip to Europe, I mean, and not necessarily in that order.

Hmmm, I could get propane delivered for $1000 a fill-up. It’d probably take me a two or three years to use up the propane needed for my hot water alone. But they make you order a fill-up now and again or they come and take the tank back. (Really.)

I suppose I could heat the damn water on the stove. I don’t need showers much. I have a hot tub to sanitize me, but I don't know if I really like that idea.

I'm going to have to get someone to teach me how to hook up the tank. Of course I can get a bigger tank that would last longer and have my lazy, grumpy, inconsiderate son (he says it's stress) to get it filled and hook it up for me. He told me that if I wanted him to help me, I should call him and say, "Get your ass over here and hook up the fucking propane tank, you lazy son-of-a-bitch asshole." And he added, "You don't know how to talk to people!"

Okay... And who's he kidding? I taught him to talk like that.

I wouldn't be using as much propane and hot water as he and his family do. Of course if I were rich I'd get an electric hot water heater and pay an electrician to hook it up. It couldn't cost much more than the damn electric stove. It was a $1400 stove, a last-year's-model, marked down to a mere $450. I got it home and found out that we didn't really have a 220-outlet behind the gas stove after all. So I only had to pay an electrician $1100 to have the line put in. Not bad considering he had to run the line along the outside roof overhang in a metal pipe all the way from the main electric box in the back of the house to the kitchen near the front. About fifty miles of it. So much for a good deal on the stove.

I guess the stove was worth it. It features what I wanted--ceramic top and self-cleaning oven and considerably cleaner than my old stove. It’s a small price to pay for cooked food the rest of my life, right?

Like I started to say, my son & his sweetie take showers everyday and wash their kids up very often in the over sized bathtub that leaks into my laundry room below (they deny their kids are splashing.) It's a big tub with “jacuzzi” jets that I never used after we got the hot tub.

I'd have the tub removed if I could. But it's non-removable. Probably weighs as much as a hundred 20-pound propane tanks.

Not to mention cemented-in.

BTW, I thought little boys are supposed to be dirty. When my kids were little I found out a lot of dirt rubs off on the sheets at night. That was Las Vegas NV desert dirt (modified sand that brushes off.) I loved it. Las Vegas I mean, not just the sand. The weather was so good that the kids could pay outside all year. It only rained 4 inches a year (mostly at the same time causing flash floods.) It only ever snowed once while we lived there and then only because one of my kids--never admitted who he was--prayed for snow. It melted about 20 minutes later.

The only thing about LV sand, you didn’t dare walk on it bare-footed in the summer. Super-Ouch. Though you could probably bake an egg on it. I think my kids tried it once. The dog ate it before we could tell.

Here in the East Mountains the dirt is what adobe bricks are made of. You have to wash your kids off quick or it sticks. There are some houses in old town with adobe bricks 300 years old. I wouldn't want my grandsons walking around looking like Horno Ovens. I've included a picture of an horno below for people who have never seen one. Those who thought NM was really in Mexico. And thought they needed a passport to visit here. (I met person who thought Las Vegas was in California. But at least CA’s in the United States.)


New Mexicans really use modern BBQ grills here. Most hornos are for decoration. Or in museums.

Oh the sun's trying to come out now. Partly cloudy must be weatherman code for intermittent overcast. I do hope the trees got enough water to keep them going a little while longer. Though I suppose the 100-foot Ponderosa Pines have roots a hundred feet deep into an underground river or something. Our well is only 199 feet deep so we aren't in competition with the trees for water. I hope. If we run out of water we can have it delivered. I saw the truck a couple months ago.

What did I want to say today? Oh yeah. I watched the movie The Social Network about the guy(s) that started Facebook. It was mostly talk -- very very fast talk. I did get the feel of what a college is like as well as seeing the horrific types of parties kids have now-a-days. Hell, I admit I might have been to some equally scary parties back in my college days and early marriedhood. But I didn’t shock as easily then and of course I was drunk so who can remember?

It hasn't rained here since...I don’t know when. It snowed precious little all winter. Mild winter except for the cold snaps of 35 below zero with warmer gusts of minus ten. Froze our water pipes twice.

I called the snowplow guy only once (for 75 fucking dollars) and bought some new all-season tires (for a mere 500 dollars plus tossing out the tires off my year-old car.)

Holy shit. I have a good excuse for throwing away money — "mania." Thank God and Goddess, there'er good meds for that now. I still have the habit of getting rid of money. I’m just not depressed about it like I used to be.

I was sure after getting all-weather tires installed that I wouldn't ever need them. It's like the reverse of washing your car and it rains. Like, umm, get car insurance so you won't have an accident. Or buy health insurance so you never get sick. Having life insurance so you don't die. Well, you will eventually. But you know what I mean. I guess getting new tires when you already have really new tires is better than wasting money on candy for instance.

At least I'm prepared in case the universe decides to put things back to normal, i.e., piles of snow and hubcap-deep mud. Driving on ice is tricky too. Since the road is paved now it makes the snow melt all day. When it freezes at night it's like ice hockey with a 3000-pound puck.

I had a little car when I first moved to Juan Tomas that could get up steep Juan Tomas hill only sliding down a few times getting to the top. At least I slid in a circle and faced downhill. Anyone coming along would think I’d planned to come and would know enough to get the hell out of the way so I wouldn't bounce off of them on the way to the bottom.

I'm too chicken to drive in snow or mud these days. Wisdom comes with age, you know.

I have experience with slippery mud, too. I took the top of unpaved Juan Tomas Road in the mud. Much to my surprise, I found out brakes don't work on slippery stuff! I slid onto a tree stump. I didn't notice the bumper was a bit crooked until later. I didn’t consider a slip off the road to be an accident and I'm pretty sure I wasn't at fault. I had a good excuse: MUD. So my insurance company never heard from me. At least it was a relief to know the stump couldn't sue.

Gravel is equally slippery. I found out the hard way when I took a turn a wee bit too fast. I made the turn on two wheels. I mean, literally. My son who was about eleven said, "Hey, cool. Let's do it again!" Recently, on his way to drop off his little boy at school on the snowy road, he gunned his “vintage” (dilapidated) Camero to take Juan Tomas hill and slid into a tree. Twice. Some people only learn by repetition. He didn't think THAT was cool. No one was hurt and the Camero was officially declared junk finally, so some good came out of it.

I hoped it would rain enough today even if it led to mud. I haven't ventured out to see for myself. It would be easy to let the dog in and watch for muddy footprints. I could actually walk outside to see how much mud clings to my shoes, but I don't dare do that. As I said, adobe mud is slippery and it’s vastly heavy when it dries on shoes. Adobe mud hardens into industrial strength cement.

Oh yeah. I have to record my dream before I forget the whole thing. I usually forget my dreams but find the mood they set lingers with me all day. I was with some guy that looked like a cross between two of Ed's friends Harold and Tim at a self-improvement conference lead by some jackass that wanted us to remove our pants and line up in our underwear so we would get over embarrassment. I refused to do it. I decided then and there I was a rebel. Finally I did get up and get in a line for woman's restroom. When I dream I'm waiting for a stall, it means I have to go in real life. So I usually wake up and go. Thankfully it's in that order.

I also had a dream about being back at my old job at the LVMPD standing at the counter trying to see over a bunch of old typewriters. I suggested to the boss that we move some of them, and she was the same bitch she was back then. No. They had to stay there. I still have nightmares about the records bureau.

Oh, I know what woke me up in the night. The electricity kept blinking off and on. I could hear the cordless phone bleeping when the electricity started back up again. It was out only a few seconds at a time. But I noticed instantly that it is so QUIET when the electricity was off. There is definitely a sound when electricity goes thorough wires, even when electrical devices “off.” It’s amazing (until I get an electric bill for $500.)

We're too far from Taos to hear the Taos Hum. But I could swear, now and then, that Juan Tomas has a hum too. Or maybe it's the Air Force base a few mountains over testing some sort flying craft they made with secret alien technology?

This IS New Mexico, home of the Roswell flying saucer crash sixty-five years ago. Yeah, right. LOL-doubled. That rumor didn't even start until 30 or 40 years later. I have heard rumors it was a weather balloon. True, those suckers are scary when you see your first one. But I'm sure I read somewhere it was a spy balloon that the American government put up to circle the earth to see what Russian war-mongers were up to in the cold-war era after WWII.

However, my theory is it was a leftover Japanese balloon that had a bomb attached that crashed in Roswell. The government DID have a cover-up on those things. There were hundreds (or at least dozens) of them) drifting across the Pacific long after the war was over. None of the others, of course, exploded.

Hey. I saw it on PBS so it's true. PBS doesn't lie.

I hope all these armed balloons are gone by now. You just never know.

I’ve got to go now. It's almost lunch time and I haven't eaten breakfast yet.

To my friends and relatives, come over and visit me in NM. You don’t need a passport. Honest.

SOUTH FROM GRENADA

Thursday, April 7, 2011South from Granada

I'm still thinking about that movie South from Granada I mentioned on my other blog Movie Opinions April 4, 2011. Since I don't do spoilers on that blog, merely give my opinion of a movie to let people know a bit about the movie so they can decide to watch it or not, I thought I go ahead and spoil it on here.

Does anyone read this anyway?

First of all, what foreign movie industries label "comedy" or "romantic comedy" is WAY different than what American movies mean by "romantic" and/or comedy. This movie, in my opinion, was far from a comedy. This was a drama. Few laughs except when Brenan calls after the girl who ran out of the room after the first time they made-love, "Was it that bad?"

I watched my way through Matthew Goode's movies, mostly newest to oldest, until I got to his first movie South from Granada (there's one earlier made-for-British-TV movie which no one's ever heard of, Ugliest Stepsister or something.)

I've liked all his movies (Leap Year is still my favorite even thought it's not his best.) All except Chasing Liberty, that is. Groan, Cough-cough. Icky-poo.

South From Granada, a Spanish movie, is based on a memoir of Gerald Brenan, a writer, who lived in Spain circa 1920.

Matthew Goode, in an attempt to make him look a little like Brenan, had his hair dyed golden blond. He has naturally curly hair so this made him look like a cute little English Moppet. Except for the fact he is long and lanky (over 6-feet tall and almost painfully slender) and has a glorious deeper than deep voice. He looked quite good with blond hair, just not as powerful or as mature as he looks with natural black hair.

Another scene, completely unbelievable at the end was supposed to be 20 years later. The daughter who would then be 23, still looked like a young teenager, while the Brenans looked about 70. I sure didn't like seeing Matthew mostly white-haired and bald with wrinkles and bags under his eyes. And you'd think he'd gain a little weight by then and not stay so string-beany.

I was amazed to read that Matthew Goode doesn't speak Spanish. (The Spanish in Spain is as different from New Mexican Spanish that they might have been speaking Martian. All all I caught was por favor a couple of times.) In reality, Matthew spoke his lines by phonetic imitation. It takes exceptional talent and intelligence to be able to do that.

I found it hard to read the subtitles AND keep my eyes on the characters and action at the same time. I had to keep backing the DVD up and replaying it to catch some of the dialog and/or look at Matthew's beautiful face.

In one delicious scene, that looked awkward as hell, Gerald and Juliana are learning to dance to the tune of a gramophone. The actor and actress were both completely naked. It was just a few delightful seconds, so don't blink or you'll miss it. But I must say, Matthew is definitely hung, if you know what that means. (You can see this scene on YouTube if you search a little.) He's also surprisingly muscular which isn't obvious when you see him clothed.

I feel a bit about this movie the way I felt about Imagine Me and You. In that movie, I was sad for the husband who was dumped by his new bride in favor of another woman. It was a comedy in the sense that it had a happy ending, I guess. But Matthew did such a convincing performance as a worried, hurt and sad man that he had me crying. At least it had a few more laughs in it than South from Granada.

In South from Grenada, Matthew's character Gerald Brenan has a child with his young lover who was a maid in his rented house, as was the custom at that time (and might still be for all I know.) He leaves her to go back to England, promising he'll be back. But he doesn't come back for three years and, in fact, get married in the space of that three years. (If I were writing this, I would bring him back to town to live with his lover joyfully forever. I guess real life is different. In this movie I'd prefer more fiction.

Not only that, the guy he returns three years later with mustache and his wife in tow and they get his little girl and leaves town again.

Granted, the mother did say yes. Actually she said, "If she stays here she'll be as poor as the rest of us," or words to that effect.

It's how I felt about Buddha Gautama when I first heard he left his wife and child (and palace) to go sit under a tree and contemplate. How spiritual is that, I ask you? I've forgiven him now. But hard on the kids, these broken families.

South from Granada is a little like Madame Butterfly the opera, without all the singing, in which the navy lieutenant leaves the Japanese "wife" there with their son. Then he returns with his wife to claim the boy. Of course the Japanese girl does what is expected of her...commits supuku or ritual suicide. In this movie, the Spanish senorita doesn't kill herself, she just goes on jumping into bed with other lovers and presumably having more children. But still...

It's time to put Leap Year on my DVD player and chase South from Granada out of my mind.


Matthew Goode as Declan. Leap Year 2010

FOOD, COOKING, & BOOK DISCUSSION

I used to be one of those people obsessed with eating/not eating. Not necessarily interested in food or preparing it, just woofing it down or preventing myself from woofing it down. But now that I've kicked the compulsive eating syndrome, I'm beginning to feel an appreciation for food and cooking.

I can see now why cooking is considered and art. It's creative. It's enjoyable to prepare meals that are both beautiful and delicious. (Ohmygod, I sound like Martha Stewart.)

The problems that discouraged me in the past were:

1) Never having all the ingredients in recipes in my kitchen, so I made them up with what I had,
2) Wanting something easy, simple and fast to feed a passel of kids,
3) Using packaged food,
4) Having at least one husband who didn't give a flying fig about food or eating with me,)
5) Recipes did work right or look like they were supposed to.

Then there were the times when we didn't have anything to eat in the house except macaroni (well, once.) Now when young people say, "We don't have anything to eat," they mean, "Everything is frozen and I don't have time to defrost it," or "We don't like anything we have, Or "We don't do leftovers so let's throw them away." Which means, in my eyes, "Let's waste food." Or, a new one, "My food stamps haven't come yet."

Sorry if I'm so cynical but I think I'm turning into my mother-in-law who used to freak out if her kids or her grandkids waste food or ate popcorn for dinner. Heck, we truly didn't want to eat everything on our plate because we really were full. And we were on the way to the movie theater so didn't really have time to eat a full, nutritious meal she always wanted to cook us.

Now to the point. I attend a book discussion group once a week with other single ladies. It's heavy reading and takes a lot of energy to plow through (like Tibetan Book of the Dead with editor commentary) so we began to alternate bringing something to eat afterwards so we could relax and enjoy conversation.

It's gone from a potluck fare to becoming a gourmet dinner party. There might even be a smidgen of "Can-you-top-this?" involved.

I'm not complaining. I LOVE IT. I'm becoming eager to my week to cook and shopping at the fancy-schmancy grocery stores, Sunflower or Trader Joe's, for tasty, fresh and/or organic items.

We began with sharing "main course." Gradually we added appetizers for when someone showed up hungry--snacks to nibble while we read and sipped herbal tea such as brie cheese and those small whole grain Wheat Thins.

Our next addition was a selection of bread, some of which homemade and sometimes rare and exotic. With nice, soft, creamy butter or warm garlic bread.

Then our hostess began making these amazing salads because she has a garden. The salads would make a full meal but we eat them with the main course. Lately I noticed she's also adding more and more amazing ingredients. Things that I love such as artichoke hearts or avocado. With homemade balsamic vinegar dressing also. Yum.

Then the lady that loves to bake started doing little breads and unusual cookies, so we advanced to another course--desert. One week it was fresh, sliced strawberries, out of season. Yum again.

Some of the wonderful things we've fixed and/or eaten are lasagna made from scratch. Ditto on spaghetti and meat balls. Bruschetta. Homemade green chile stew. Makes me hungry to even think about it. Steamed homegrown asparagus. Yum times three.

The week I fixed a green chile stew I had to say, "This is so good I can't believe I made it!"

We've also added sides to the main course.

This is magnificent!!! I'm so glad to be a part of it.

The week before last, in my fervor for Julie and Julia (and books the movie was based on)I made a creamed mushroom soup. I even chopped the mushrooms into little pieces rather than just slicing them, used the leeks instead of onions that were substitutes. It called for three cups of milk and a cup of sour cream. The sour cream from the health food store was thick and shiny and had a taste out of this world! (Is that an old cliche? Sorry. Now I sound like a Campbell's Soup can.)

I told another friend about this great dinner party/book discussion group and my mushroom soup and she gasped and said it was terribly "unhealthy." I stood by my Julia Child recipe and declare it was only milk like we drink anyway, and sour cream instead of heavy cream. (I didn't mention the butter I'd sauteed the leeks in.) I also told her since we weren't eating meat it wasn't overdoing it with "fat." So she knuckled under and said it was okay since we shared it among several people (And I had leftovers which I don't mind eating.)

If you'd like to join a book discussion groups with fabulous books, cooks and food, the next book on the reading list is Mysteries of the Kabbalah, call me, and I'll give you directions.

WRITING

I thought I'd start blogging right away this morning because my head is full of words and some of them, the ones formed into actual sentences, are clamoring to get out.

I'm not exactly inspired or eager. I just have a lot to say and no one around to talk to.

Besides I have to put off vacuuming to the last minute. I do better with a deadline. And a friend I've known since mid-school is stopping by on her way from L.A., CA to someplace else. She has this really cool van with extra headroom and a queen sized bed and a warm feather comforter.

She's fearless of driving on freeways and around cities. I guess it's the training she's had on treacherous CA freeways. (I, on the other hand, live in the country far enough away from a SMALL city, so I don't need to drive on freeways.) On I-40 in Albuquerque people actually let you into traffic when your coming from an on-ramp. Except the people from out-of-state. Theey're most likely from CA. And trucks don't count being filled with crazy truck drivers apparently above the law.

My friend thinks nothing of driving three-thousand miles alone. She pulls over into parking lots at night to sleep. (Godforbid, is it a WalMart parking lot?)

I have two questions for her that I don't have the guts to ask. Is she armed? And does she have a port-a-potty in there?

Also this morning, I can see my reflection in the computer screen and my hair, from sleeping all night, is a mess. I look like a 1960's NY artist. I plan to take a shower and fix my hair after I vacuum, right after she calls and says she's nearly here.

I just can't tear myself away from writing sometimes. Especially when my brain keeps streaming me words like Netlix streams me movies.

I have to let the ideas out or my head might explode splattering words everywhere. Another thing I'd have to vacuum up.

I took my last two blog entries off this blog Advising Myself? And started a new one called Advising Myself Too (get it? too/two?) They had "adult" words and I have to post a "warning. I've always thought people who talked cuss words and dirty remarks were not "adult" but rather immature.

There you go.

I do love to cuss as much as I love to use big, intellectual words to show how smart I really am and not immature. I guess some people just think that's stupid.

You know the difference between dumb and stupid, don't you? My son told me this about 20 years ago (when he was 11.) Dumb is when you don't know anything. Stupid is when everything you know is wrong.

Perhaps you've heard that old joke. Sorry. I'm not dumb or stupid. The worst I can be chastised for is either trying to show I'm smarter than other people, or of dumbing myself down so people will think I'm normal like them. See? I use bad grammar to ingratiate myself to the masses.

I hope you check out my other blog Advising Myself Too. I think the entries (two so far) have more to offer than this silly blog; that is, if you can stand reading assorted "adult" words and the occasional f-word. (BTW, I think blogspot might have a computer that scans for dirty words. I can't imagine a real person reading these blogs.)

So, where was I?

Ah, words. This blog is for and about writers today. Specifically it's about breathing. Or writing about it. I know writers are looking for new and exciting words to say the same old thing over and over. But, come on, some of these things are just awful.

My pet peeve is the narrative containing "He took a deep breath and blew it out." It brings to mind an image of a guy pursing his lips and blowing like he's putting out this birthday cake.

The expression "He took a deep breath and let it out slowly," brings to mind one of those seminars where some guru is trying to teach an auditorium to visualize or meditate. He can even say, "Take a deep breath and blow it out." if it's for dramatic effect and emphasis.

Why can't the writers just say, "He took a deep breath." I mean, the exhale is a given, right? We all know you breathe out after you breathe in. Unless of course you want to set a mood and convey something like a victim dangling from a noose. "He took a deep breath and gasped for air." Now that would be descriptive enough to give you an inkling that you're reading something like Stephen King.

Well, that's it. That's my message today. (I'll bet some writers just cringe when I write "well" at the beginning of a sentence. But if I write like I talk, well, "well" is a good word to set a mood and let you know it's a blog and not horror novel.)

I have to go clean up the house. And then myself. Though, I've heard it said (Dear Abby?) that people come to you, not your house. It helps if they don't step in something sticky. Although, getting covered in cat hair from the waist down is a given, right?

Thanks for reading me!



Cat Clip Art

What is Cyberspace?

Illustration courtesy of Brain Waves, LLC. Clker.com

Have you ever wondered what happens to the words and pictures on posts and letters when you enter them into your computer and press send?

I can understand where money goes when you order something online. Some sort of electronic brain adds you to a list; then a person then puts the item in a box with your address and ships it to you. (Or are boxing and labeling done by machines now?) Do you ever wonder why there's not more mistakes. For instance, you ordering a book on automobile repairs and get a used DVD of old Lawrence Welk shows?

The electronic "stores" zap the money out of your account into their account. Simple.

Banking on line is getting more amazing than that. We can actually deposit checks from our computers and our cell phones.

So you send an image of your check. This picture of your check enables your bank's computers to zap money out the other guys bank into your account. It seems fool-proof, right? George Doe won't be able to zap your deposit into his off shore Cayman account. Unless he has a smarter computer than your bank. It's just a matter of time. Hopefully the rate of technological change will stay one step ahead of him.

However, I do wonder what money really is if it isn't wrinkled green pieces of paper and little round disks with dead politicians' pictures on them.

Where does information fed into computers actually go? When I click publish on my blog and turn off my computer where are the words stored? Someplace in computerized warehouse with humongous storage bins of electronic drawers? Or does it just linger in the air between your computer and other peoples computers?

Just where is facebook really? Where is blogspot? And where the hell are Amazon and Netflix? Are they buildings, people or are they just a gigantic brain called world wide web?

Many stores can send movies and e-book instantly to our computers, TVs, and other amazing electronic devices like Wii and Kindle. Where ARE these e-books and movies before someone zaps them to you (and zaps away your money?) At least you can see books on a shelf at the bookstore or movies projected on a screen at the theater.

When televisions and phones were invented, we had an idea where the pictures and sounds came from. Much like light coming out of incandescent light bulbs, it was wires coming out of walls and strung on electric & telephone poles that connected us to the outside world. Right?

Then we found out that televion and radio waves are traveling invisibly through the air in each and every direction. (Air's oxygen and other elements, thank God.) THen again, have you alwasy wondered, along with me, whether these waves go around us or straight through us as they make their way to a receiver?

If anyone has a clue let me know what cyberspace is and more inportantly where it is. Surely it's more than just a concept?

Try not to wonder too much. Computers do most of everything for us, why not let them do it?

DICHOTOMIES or in other words, WHAT?????

I have some questions about some things in America that are contradictory besides the obvious such as "we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway."

Why is it, if we think of something bad it happens almost immediately, and what we want to happen never happens? Oh, I did drop a jelly bread that landed jelly side UP once.

Why can't most Americans understand accents from the British Isles when the British actually speak English?

Then again, in Leap Year, Matthew Goode spoke with an Irish accent and Amy Adams--"Anna from Boston"--spoke with her Californian accent and didn't even try to put on a Boston accent?

Speaking of accents, what about those actors using foreign accents to simlate a foreign language? If they were really speaking their own languages would they have accents? Why couldn't they just talk normally and let us assume they're speaking in their own languages? (Or speak in that language and use subtitles? (More movies are doing that. And why don't Americans learn second languages? Spanish in elementary, French in mid-school, German in high-school, and a choice in college? Maybe I should mention British, but that's supposed to be English. (Oh yeah, I forgot, they invented English.)

Exception: In The Man in the Iron Mask it was refreshing to see the three musketeers played by John Malkovich who spoke with his Chicago accent, Gérard Depardieu who spoke with his French accent and that other guy (Jeremy Irons) who had an English accent. The fourth musketeer d'Artagnan had a generic American accent (if there is such a thing.) It might have been embarrassing, but it was realistic. Bravo to the producer who allowed it. (Who knows? He might have given up. And if they were speaking in British accents, who would understand them?)

What's with a fourth musketeer in movie about the three musketeers anyway?

Why is it, too, that when you are married you have to fend off admirers, and when you're single and lonely there's nobody to be found?

Why is it when you're young you haven't got a clue about life and when you get wisdom and know how to use your brains you're too old to do anything with it? (Well, you can write blogs nobody reads.)

Why is it when you're young and start writing you don't have any experiences to write about and no writing knowledge, and when you're good at writing you can't remember which characters are which and what they said (or their eye color?) (I think it was Tony Hillerman who admitted he forgot a complete character.)

Why is it when you're working you have the money to do things and when you're not working you're broke? And when you're working you have plenty of time to do things, and when you're working you're too damn tired to do anything, let alone have time?

Why is it when you're young you don't appreciate your parents and when you realize they were pretty great they're dead? Same goes for your kids, not dead, but no longer sweet little babies you can lavish with love anymore?

What was that silly saying? "You don't miss the water til the river runs dry." Of course not. How can you "miss" something you still have? It should say, "You don't appreciate the water til the river runs dry." That must apply to everything.

How come you don't appreciate how thin you were when you first started thinking you were fat? When you're really get fat, oops, too late...

What's that saying, "You get what you deserve" only applies when something bad happens to you? To get good things you have to work hard and earn it?

I am so glad that when I order a ham and swiss sandwich with mayo on rye bread, I actually get ham and swiss with mayo on rye.

See my Movie Opinions Blog at www.sandy-schairer.blogspot.com

Movie Opinions vs. Movie Reviews

See my other blog: Movie Reviews
www.sandy-schairer@blogspot.com

I don't really write movie “reviews.” I add personal things to my Movie blog, so it doesn’t count as review. I don't care what people watch. But I do believe life is too short to watch bad movies. We can use all the help we can get as we wind our way through the isles of video stores, Netflix or Amazon websites, or flipping our way through television channels.

I think the movies the media raves about, no one really likes. The ones I like no one even sees. Hardly anyone. There is ME and the people that make them. And perhaps their relatives.

I think movies are the meaning to life. Fiction can be more real than real life. Have you noticed? Even ones based on true stories seem real.

Okay. Okay. I’m trying to be witty. But it's true. When I started being witty women weren't allowed to be witty. People who read my stuff frequently don't get my humor. One comment on facebook said they hoped I found something to make me happy soon instead of sounding so negative and sarcastic. What was his excuse?

I like older movies. With more recent movies I have a tendency to rent one and then buy it and watch it a bunch more times. I think that might be obsessive/compulsive, but it’s more fun than washing ones hands a million times a day. (If I were afraid of germs, I would've never had kids. I mean they're germy little things--children. (Not those other things you're thinking of.)

However, I have overcome my compulsion to shop and spend dozens of dollars on things I don’t really need. Like, I can either lose weight or gain some to fit perfectly into the clothes I already have.

I also get hooked on an actor or actress and watch all their movies, similar to reading all the books of a certain author. In order. I do that too.

I have been falling in-love with movie stars since I was 8. I think the answer is reincarnation. I knew those old Hollywood guys in a previous life. For instance, I loved Clark Gable. I think I was just a wanna-be actress who partied her self to death. (I don’t think partied is a real word. I hope I spelled it right.)


It's good to express myself in my blogs. Sort of like therapy. It’s good I have something to do (like write.) I like staying at home in winter. Only thing I must go to is doctor appointments and therapy. Therapy is starting to help. I do better when I act like an adult. I am building up my confidence more now. How else would I get the nerve to put this out into cyberspace? I wonder if Woody Allen has a blog? Could’ve saved himself a lot of money over the years on psychoanalysis.

I guess I could call my blog "Diary of a Mad Widow" (remember that old movie Diary of a Mad Housewife? I fell in love with the actor in that movie. He's ugly now and was in that horrid movie The Box. Icky. (Sorry Frank, nothing personal.)

My shrink put me on antidepressants because all I could do was sit here and cry and fee awful. I now sit here and watch movies and knit but I’m way happier. Life’s a blast no matter what you think, feel, say or do. No seriously, it is. Try it.

When the weather warms up I plan to travel. I’m taking my dog. I spend a lot of time treating my dog like a baby. She has a bad hip (so do I) so we can keep up with each other.

I like having her in my room at night because she wakes me up early. The only problem with that is feeling sleepy at 8:30 PM. Bad news if I happen to be out driving.

So...I reveal all my inner activities while other people tell me things they actually do. My therapist says I'm an introvert. No duh. Manic Depressive too. Known that for 50 years. Now that I am being treated for it I should probably find something to do with my life.

Oh, I do have something I do! I'm in a book study Monday nights. We’re reading Tibetan Book of the Dead with commentary. Mostly we bring dinner and visit with each other after reading out loud. We don't understand what we're reading so we can't really discuss it.

I make the effort to get dressed and go to church now and then, mostly to see my friends. I met my late husband at church in 1987. But meeting men that way isn’t going to work for me anymore. I used to attract men with sex and money. I need a blind boyfriend who doesn’t want to go shopping.

Now I hang out with my women friends, all other writers. They make me feel cool. And normal.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. (What does that mean?) Like that girl who said in Imagine Me and You her teacher always said (imagine English accents.) "There's no problem insoluble given a big enough plastic bag." The character she was cheering up asked, "What does that mean?" They were both very cool in that movie. One of them was nine.

I’d better quit now and go see what my daughter-in-law fixed for lunch. Oh yeah. I’m home alone. One of these days I’m gonna learn how to cook. My kids would have appreciated that.

Toodle-ooo

If It Isn't Sumptin, It's Sumptin Else

I'm sure you remember the quote as the title of this post from SNL's Gilda Radner when she was Roseanne Roseannadanna. She said, It's what my father always said, "If it isn't something, it's something else."

Luckily, my Dad was a handyman and did everything around the house...including carpentry, plumbing, electrical, yard work, everything except dishes, if I remember right.

My beloved husband was all that and more. He built our house nearly single-handily and kept it running for 20 years. My son said Ed was a superman. Ed started on the house a little over 20 years ago. Now it's staring to break down like one of our cars. Conveniently, Ed left here before all the problems started. I can't really blame him. It was cancer.

I recently had a new roof put on after the hail damage. Luckily it was covered by insurance. If it was up to me, I could've bought a lot of buckets for $15 G's. Unfortunately, I chose the wrong roofer to do the job. There is a bunch of things that I don't like about the job, one of which is the whole damn thing, the quality of the work, the company's attitude. etc., etc. etc. Not least of which is the fools he hired to do the actual work and I think they took out the glass out of the skylights which weren't even broken and put the plastic domes on without replacing the glass. Duh. I don't know if I have to call that disagreeable man or call a skylight guy. It's up to my insurance agent. (I still have to get a stucco man over to replace the stucco that the roofers chipped off. One patch is really big. The insurance adjuster said the insurance would pay for the replacement of the roof (less my deductible. Thank goodness I already paid that.)

Last summer we had the problem of our well pump filling the pressure tank to maximum pressure making it spew huge amounts of water into the backyard. We called an electrician and he replaced the part--34-bucks. No, that was the cost of the part. He had to come out to our house in the mountains twice--once to look at it and once to go get the part. He got lost on the way here and drove about 20 or 30 miles out of his way to get here. Around a couple extra mountains as a matter of fact. And charged me for the time it took for him to find his way back to civilization. I'm sure he charged me an hour or two of time to change the part even though it took him a half hour, and for coming out on a Saturday. (It's real hard for us spoiled Americans to go without water for very long.)

This winter when it dipped down below zero, WAY below zero this time, our pipes froze up (second time.) My son turned everything off (again without water for several days.) The pipes unfroze fortunately but now something is leaking. He said it's the switch from the pump to the pressure tank so we had to decide whether to call an electrician or a plumber.

I called five different plumbing companies before I found one that would even listen to me. They are all booked up for days because of all the frozen/broken pipes in the mountains (and other places in NM.) This kind-hearted guy is sending one of his men over here between big jobs to look at it and fix it since he has a couple of those parts in his truck right now. YAY. The only good news I've had in a long time.

Well, I'm waiting for good news from my nephew and his wife who are expecting a baby in the next several weeks. That's the kind of news I want. Really good news to offset the bad news I've been dealing with at home.

One of the most aggravating things is not having propane delivered anymore. The cost of the propane was getting prohibitive in the last few years and last winter and this, it was too much to contemplate. The large tank costs 1000 bucks to fill up plus I imagine it costs something to get the tank delivered and installed. Even if we get the smaller tank, the company won't deliver any propane unless we snow plow the driveway. Plus we have to guarantee we'll buy so many gallons over the year. Just to heat water, no way we'd reach that. I am tempted to put in an electric hot water heater but our electricity bill is WAY out of site in the winter.

All we do now with propane is heat the hot water with it. We had a medium sized portable tank but it was too big to carry in any of our vehicles. Besides you can't carry a full propane tank inside a closed vehicle anyway. So...guess what...we have three little barbecue sized tanks for the hot water. When they run out we sometimes have to wait a few days to get hot water back again...we evidently can't go without hot water either.) When my son is at work from dawn to dark no one's here who knows how to hook them up. No me nor my daughter-in-law. It's all we can do to run the washing machines. We use cold water for that anyway.

So the headaches of owning your own house. And getting too old to work on it. Or having a son that can do just about anything fixing a to a big semi truck but doesn't know jack about fixing stuff around the house.

On top of all that. My computer wouldn't come on this morning. I panicked, of course, thinking I'd have to take it to the repair guy again. Not my favorite thing to do considering it costs me $$$ every time I take it in, and I have to put up with the guy hitting on me while I'm there. Luckily I lucked out this time, haha...my computer ran a diagnostic, figured out what was wrong, and did a system restore to fix itself. It's fine. Whew. (Well, you wouldn't be reading this if it weren't fine, huh?)

I'm sure my friends are getting sick of me complaining. So, believe me when I say, I can't handle anymore crises right now.

I think I'll go eat some cookies.

My weekend

This has not been MY weekend for entertainment.

I went to a play at Little Theater in Albuquerque last night. At least I think it was Albuquerque since I couldn't find the damn place. I don't trust Mapquest anymore because it sent me through some pretty creepy areas downtown, from a well-lighted well-known thoroughfare into a very dark neighborhood with a couple of dead-end streets.

This was after I drove from the East Mountains down Sedillo Hill on I-40 in the pitch dark all the way to the Rio Grande exit that's just short of the Rio Grande River (yes, the real Rio Grande.) This trip included driving through the Big I (major freeway interchange that looks like the interchanges in California.)

The Big I is scary even with the sun shining and moderate traffic. The traffic on Friday and Saturday nights in Albuquerque is worse than rush hour on weekdays because ALL the streets are jammed with traffic not just the freeways. And Albuquerque is a small city. Yow.

Coming into town from my side of the mountains, I saw two big semi's coming down the road behind me driving side by side, neck to neck. I got a bad feeling when I saw they were gaining on me and I was doing 65 (the speed limit. Hey-hey.)

When they caught up to me one changed lanes and they sped past me still neck and neck, one on each side of me. It was terrifying. It was like driving between two moving skyscrapers. I have a little Ford Focus. I hate passing trucks or have them pass me mainly because they can't even see me.

Coming home I took a wrong turn onto Central (I think it was Central) and drove around and around downtown for a half hour including driving on a one-way street going the wrong way. I was completely lost and had no idea where I was. I have never driven downtown except when I went to court for jury duty and then once to bail someone out of jail.

On a Saturday night, too, downtown's crawling with the nightlife going to and fro for clubs or whatever the hell they do downtown. I finally found a street I recognized (the name only, since it was too damn dark to see anything. I made a quick turn and then got off of it instead of sticking it out. Then driving through a dark neighborhood I got tired of sitting at a red light when there was absolutely no one coming for a mile in each direction. So I drove through the red light (after looking, or course. I was sober and not stupid.)

I guess the thing I learned from this experience is that everything out there looks way different after dark. Even my own yard. Especially when there's no moon. And no lights out here in the mountains. Downtown made up for no lights, however.

I am determined not to go downtown ever again. If I get called for Jury Duty again I'm having someone drive me to the front door. Someone who knows where they're going.

Little Theater has been remodeled in recent years. They made it bigger. And put the seats closer together. I was in the middle of a row squished between other people with less leg (and arm) room than the average airplane seat. On top of that the woman in front of me was tall and I had to keep leaning from side to side or tilting my head from side to side which gave me a really nice neck ache.

I got there early because I was part of group of Sisters in Crime local chapter Croak and Dagger. We are the Albuquerque mystery writers and readers group. Last time we came to a play as a group, we were seated in the second row and the director of Little Theaters announced Sisters in Crime was there and had us stand up for applause. This time were sitting near the back and not acknowledged. Heck, as celebrities go we don't have many in Albuquerque. You'd think they'd be thrilled to let people know a group of writers were present. Oh well.

On top of that, the play that I can't even remember the name of (I think it was Sherlock Holmes Last Case) was terrible. Not only could I not see it, I couldn't hear it or understand it. The various actors performed with various bad accents passing badly for English and cockney, and some other unintelligible accents. One woman was talking in a high pitched voice with some sort of mangled accent and I couldn't understand a word she said.

On top of that she had a bad wig which came down so far on her forehead that I couldn't see her eyes. Not that I could anyway being seated so far back in the theater.

So that's the story on that.

And then today I got my next Matthew Goode movie from Netflix. It was one of his earlier films. Chasing Liberty and was a terrible movie. The actors were totally unconvincing. They looked as bored as I was. The girl was still a teenager, and the premise was stupid. It was just not believable. No heart. No intelligence. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Wait, the scenery was good but probably fake.

I can understand what Matthew Goode meant when he said in an interview that Leap Year was Chasing Liberty all over again. Many of scenes were major repeats of scenes in Leap Year. Only in Chasing Liberty they were awful. (At least in Leap Year the acting was good and showed a great deal more heart. The young people in Leap Year were older and took life a bit more seriously.

So if it snows here like the weather channel predicts, I will be snowed in with Chasing Liberty instead of the next Matthew Goode movie on my Netflix queue. WAAAAAAAAAA

Clothes & Size

I never thought I'd ever say this but all my damn clothes are too small for me.

I recently donated about two car fulls of clothes and other things to thrift stores (some were my late husband's clothes.) I donated the too old ones, the too boring ones, the too big ones, and some too small ones. Now I'm stuck between sizes and nothing fits.

It's like donating all the baby clothes and equipment and then getting pregnant again.

After I recovered from my serious illness, spinal surgeries, and open heart surgery in 2009, I weighed 120 lbs. for awhile. I was so scrawny that I cried every time I looked in a mirror. I looked 80 years old. Then I started walking and getting healthier (eating again after not eating for a year.) I started exercising and gaining weight. (A good deal of it was muscle that I regained.) At least I plumped out my wrinkles and sagging skin so I didn't look death warmed over anymore.

Thank goodness I didn't get up to what I used to weigh. It took an XL to cover me. Recently I'm able to fit into some of the clothes I used to have to squeeze into uncomfortably.

I have lost 10 lbs. recently without even trying. I am just not as hungry as I used to be. And my appetite for certain foods has lessened. I don't eat a lot of sweets anymore nor do I pop popcorn every night anymore.

I think part of the secret is to stick to that saying, "Don't eat after seven at night." If I get up early and I'm ready to get into bed, I'm too lazy to get back out of bed to go to the kitchen. Or fix something. I can't keep food in my room because the dog might sniff it and chomp into it in the middle of the night.

So, I guess I'll have to go shopping for some medium sized pants or else go try to find my former clothes at the thrift store.

Funny Ha Ha and Funny Strange

Since I am fairly sure none of my family, friends (or strangers, for that matter) are reading my blog and I'm writing for myself, (or is that to myself?) I might as well write what I want. And if you don't like it, you can just piss off (I say that because I am not sure I can say fuck off on blogspot.)

Old Age & Dying
You know, people don't die from old age when they get old. They die from Hell-in-a-handbasket Syndrome. When old folks get to the point they are sure the world is going to hell in a handbasket, they' ready to kick the bucket. If they aren't, they should be.

God
I do believe in an afterlife, but I'm still out to lunch on the issue of God. I would prefer Him to be a Her, quite frankly. I guess if I don't "believe" in God, I should go the the Unitarian Church. They don't mention God.

I like that anonymous comment on bumper stickers "Heck is where you go if you don't believe in Gosh." Read a bumper sticker near you. (I think that was a bumper sticker, too.)

I loved Ricky Gervais on YouTube discussing his views on religion in an interview. He said, "If there is a God, why did he make me an atheist?" I'm still laughing at that. The man is never going to hell in a handbasket.

If hell exists. Maybe hell is a handbasket.Hmmm.

I love Ricky Gervais's humor. I thought he was funny at the Golden Globe Awards. I'm sorry now I didn't watch it.

Internet
I saw an announcement on television (I think it was the Albuquerque weather channel) for the Marine Corp. They ended with that great picture of the men standing in their dress uniforms with the cool slogan: THE PROUD, THE FEW, THE MARINES, and I am sure I saw (in small print) marines.com.

Everything is dot com now. I wonder if you can truly join the military online. What do they do then? Come to your house and induct you? Drive up in the bus and pick you up? Or do they induct you on the internet or closed circuit TV?

Signs (No, I'm not talking about that Mel Gibson movie)
I'm sure you all (Who?)have seen the young people along side the road (or in the medians) holding up the sign (usually hand written) to draw you into restaurants and car washes. I saw one just a couple days ago for a new donut shop. That was very helpful since I drive by that location frequently and am I a sucker for donuts. Next time I'll slow down below the speed limit and try to turn in the parking lot. I hope they have drive up, since I am usually is a big hurry. But there's no time like the present for a donut.

Then I saw, a block farther down the same road, a guy holding a sign saying "Move in special. 2 bedrooms. Utilities paid." What the hell??? Is someone who happens to be driving by gonna say, "Hmmm. I think I'll have a donut." and then, "Oh. An apartment. I think I'll stop in and move," huh?

This is a bizarre world. Maybe it's going to hell in a handbasket. Oh no. Am I that old already?



Yeah, I DO think I'm funny (Image of handbasket I borrowed from the internet. So sue me.)

Clothing Mistakes

Back in the 1950's when I was young, my mother told me that when she was young, bras had'nt been invented yet. (She was born in 1916.)

Then bras were invented. What were they thinking? And pointed? (And what's with the tiny waists to go with pointed breasts? Corsets deformed a woman's ribcage. That can't be natural or comfortable. Torture like bras.)

Since bras have been invented, and they've worn universally by American women, the rise in breast cancer has become epidemic. Breast feeding, the natural purpose of the breast has been gradually decreasing over the last 50 or 60 years.

When are modern American women going to stop putting looks ahead of common sense and their own health? The fashion emphasis on having large breasts has increased in the 1990's to the ridiculous practice of artificially enhancing them (thus making a woman into a plastic doll?)

And what the hell is a training bra? Do they train the girls to wear bras? Or do they train the breasts the stay under control?

I don't understand men that don't prefer a natural set of breasts that feel real (not to mention feel good) to a pair that look good in a bathing suit or a wet T-shirt. I should think women who look good naked are preferable to women who look better dressed up.

And by the way, when did looks become the test for quality and worth in people instead of integrity, kindness, and ability to give and receive love? (Not to mention common sense.)

I think the people that invented the bra should've been shot. Metaphorically of course. Bras are perhaps the most uncomfortable pieces of clothing except for certain types of shoes. Bras are a modern form of torture.

Bras make people breathe wrong. People are supposed to expand when they breathe not squeeze their rib cages in. It's unhealthy to breathe "backwards" for very long. Personally I would prefer not to restrict the flow of enough oxygen to the brain.

Think about it. How many women rush home from work and tear off their clothes first thing to put on something comfortable? They are instinctively trying to breathe again. It's to escape from the torture of the bra.

Personally, since I am retired and don't care about sticking out my boobs to impress people anymore, I prefer undershirts. They're warmer in the winter and cooler in the summer.

I sometimes wear sports bras but have a struggle getting into them. I found that stepping into them and pulling them up is way easier than pulling them over my head and trying to slide them down. (Try it.) The only other difficulty with sports bras is that they get rid of cleavage. They squish the breast together in such a way that has created a new word: "uniboob."

I will barely mention high heeled shoes and the craziness of the people that invented them. I understand that men wore them back in the 1700's when they strolled around like peacocks. (Only the rich guys since the peasants were lucky if they even had shoes.)

I wore heels for years, even to work in. My feet were used to them, even walking around on cement floors at the LVMPD Records Bureau where it often felt I was walking my feet into nubs. I assume at a certain point my feet went numb. In fact, there were days I worked the busy counter when my feet hurt all the way up to my knees. When they begin to hurt up to my shoulders, I had to quit that job.

But I knew when it was time to give up high heels. And pantyhose. Another form of torture. Heck, I am old enough to remember times before they were invented. Pantyhose, as uncomfortable as they are, are better than garter belts and stocking with seams. (Yeah, I'm that old. It was very distracting to try to keep the seams straight!)

I wear socks now, yes, even to church. I have some pretty red ones for Valentine's Day. And thick fuzzy ones for winter. And comfortable shoes.

Okay. What about short skirts & dresses? They were a marvel when I was a teenager and a cocktail waitress and didn't really have to do anything but be pretty. (Hey, I worked in a upscale night club and was married. So not THAT kind of cocktail waitress.)

Since pants are in style now all over the world, I can't even see a need for dresses anymore unless it's something formal like a wedding--your own. I have a few formal and casual dresses with hemlines down to my ankles, but rarely wear them. Mostly I wear them in the summer because they are uncomfortable in the winter with cold air blowing up the bottom. (Their bottom and mine.)

Days are over when I need to show off my legs. They were fantastic but I don't need to get high on being judged on my fantastic looks anymore.

I'm a great person, even in sports bras and socks.

Leap Year The Movie -- Did They Do "It"? I say YES

Leap Year. Yes or No? YES. My reasons for thinking they did have sex/make love are below. (These are not in chronological order according to the events in the movie. I wrote them down as I thought of them.

1. He’s a guy and she’s an American. And this was in 2010 not 1910.
2. I ask myself what I would do if I were 20-something.
3. What did the characters say that also meant something else?
4. Numerous facial expressions throughout that say something else than what is actually said.
5. What he said when he came into the room to tell her he would drive her to Dublin. Highly suggestive and foreshadowing? "Come on. Let's do it. But only because you're desperate."6.
6. Declan telling the legend about the castle. What was that all about?
7. Why did Declan say "no peeking?" He wanted her to peek. After all, he peeked at her. It's like saying:(Try not to think about an elephant,right?)
8. Anna bumped into the door when leaving the room. She was looking back at him...dazzled by the sight of him with a towel around his waist. Naked muscles.
9. Frank saying at dinner: “You’re young, married, in love, anyone can see that.”
10. Them “faking” a kiss at the dining table and their reaction to it. Definately a serious communication that surprised them both.(Did you notice Anna how leaned into the kiss? He break it off. They looked into each others eyes and then went back to the charade. Immediately serious and embarrased. That was a real kiss. If you ask me that sealed their fate.
11. What do the words "chancers" and "cheats" refer to, used more than once?(see below.) Was he possibly thinking Anna was similar to Kaleigh. He was probably reluctant to be the one to make the first real move because he'd got burned once with Kaleigh.
12. Watch for the recurring elements that were used to indicate things from earlier scenes relating to what happened later. Also numerous facial or verbal expressions. i.e.: "You know I don't like surprises" and then "You just surprised me. You keep doing that." He told her to "shut up" when he was feeling bad, then when they were driving off at the end, she told him to "shut up" in a humerous way.
13. Declan's facial expressions after Anna says: “Fine, if it’s all about money to you, 675 Euros it is.” Was it? He frowned and thought it over. If he made it all about money, he wouldn't be able to make it about something else, would he? I don't think he wanted to be in bed with a girl and asking for money.
14. They looked at each other when they were both "secretly" turned on and quickly turned away. They were attracted, I surmise, not just in a state of lust. And do you think that was the end of it? The scene ended so we don't know for sure what happened after that, do we? Of course they made love.
15. Back to the time they were in the bed and breakfast deciding who'd sleep in the bed. Declan wanted to win that coin toss either way--heads or tails. He wanted to be in that bed with her regardless. Later in the hotel they were "saying" so much more than they really said. The tone of their voices was intimate. He said asking for the one bob in hushed tones after he glanced around to make sure no one was listening, "The one we flipped for the bed." (Why did she say "Liar" when she gave him the coin? What was she referring to? Maybe the fact of him getting into the bed regardless.
16. When he woke up in the morning and gently removed his hand from her shoulder, he looked at her and gave the tiniest of smiles. Don't miss it. He also looked not just at her face to make sure she was still asleep, but like he felt sure of her or what they had expressed in the night.
17. She has this look on her face when she wakes up. Did she look sort of thoughtful? Like feeling guilty maybe. Or knowing she was in love with him and what was she going to do now--it didn't fit into her plans.
18. When they were downstairs again and Anna was on the phone, Declan brings her breakfast he made for her as if it were a gift, a way to show his joy towards her. His tender enthusiasm turns to disappointment when he hears her on the phone with Jeremy. (Also, offering food is a symbol of offering love.)
19. I think Declan’s expression when Frank asks, “Did you sleep well, lovebirds” and winks. Did Frank perhaps hear something? Declan realized Frank knew. Declan didn't even answer him just turns away keeping his face devoid of expression.
20. Declan continually referring to diddly-eye...meaning “foolish” in Irish slang, implying she was "dancing" her way through life as a shallow person? Didn't he sound a little bitter about diddly-eye a couple of times he said it?
21. The whole thing at the bus station, facial expressions and what is said and not said. Affection, attachment? She saw he was disappointed she left on the bus, or he thinks so, and being happy when he realized she didn't. At that time she knew he cared for her and she was pleased.
22. The look on his face in the bus (contemplation)and him being comfortable with her head on his shoulder.
23. Declan gradually sharing his feelings from the beginning of the movie to the end. By the time they were on the bridge he was opening up to her. It intimate to share your deep feelings with someone. Bonding. But they were also holding back, wary of taking their feelings to the next level.
24. Declan’s tone of voice softening up throughout the movie. He revealed his sensitivity or whatever it's called. In real life men don't do that. Why is it the man I want doesn't exist?
25. Him saying, “You never let your hair down, woman,” and the look that went with it. He was teasing, but did he know she did let her hair down? Watch his face and eyes.
26. His reaction to her agreeing to dance at the wedding and the way he watched her dance. He looked happy instead in misery (about his broken heart over Kaliegh.)
27. On the beach after the wedding. Body language. She leaned against him several times torso to torso connecting. She looked comfortable doing that.
28. When she puked on his shoes and he mutters, “Now that’s romantic.” Having had sex the night before he felt it was romantic not just a free fuck.
29. The way they continually held back from declaring their feelings for each other. Waiting for a sign that the other really took it all seriously. It was obvious they were falling in love but each had a reason they didn't want to make it real by bringing out in the open.
30. One of the biggest plot tricks in romance writing and cinematography -- skipping ahead in the narrative/scene to further developments without actually showing them, i.e. leaving things entirely to the imagination. It my opinion that after the scene cuts to darkness, it was not the end of the action.
31. Matthew Goode’s remarks about it in one interview regarding his daughter being able to see the movie when she's older i.e., that there was nothing sexual, at least not on the screen. He obviously thought sex was implied off camera. Why else was the movie nearly given a PG-13 instead of PG? (Later I listed to his interview and that part had been cut.
32. Typical romance genre formula, sex is a given, even if it's not shown or mentioned. One romance writer said in an article: Some romance writers like to write the sexy love scenes in detail. Other others like to let their characters make love on the blank space between chapter." I paraphrase. (What do I know? I never finished writing my romance book.)
33. When Declan says, “I thought me and Kaleigh were mad for each other," and then added “Apparently not,” and the questioning look he gives Anna. This is my favorite scene, melted my heart. I think he was trying to ask her if it was the same way with her.
34. Asking for only “the one bob.” What did "bob" come to mean? Watch all the facial facial expressions and body language when they talked in the hotel lobby.
35. Jeremy asks if Anna "tipped" Declan and Declan says, “She paid me.” Related to what he said at the end, “It’s going to cost you,” What did she "pay" him with.
36. Oh. Anna was obviously flustered when Jeremy asks Declan “Did she take care of you?” Then Anna if she tipped Declan. Why was she so flustered? This scene makes absolutely no sense unless the answer to this subject is "yes." When Declan says, "She paid me," is he talking about money? And when Declan tells her at the end "It'll cost you," I don't think he meant money since money/payment mean something else to them. And why is he still calling her “bob” when they go on the honeymoon. Did "bob" come to mean something else to them? This is a very subtle word-play.
37. After she accepts his proposal, they kiss; dos that look like a first kiss?!?
38. Would they really get engaged on the basis of only one faked kiss?

Here's another interesting item...regarding symbols in the movie... Declan is always eating apples. The symbols for an apple is, of course, forbidden fruit as well as love, beauty, youth and happiness, according to the internet. It's interesting that he keeps biting into apples and tossing them away half finished. After the disappointment about the breakfast he'd made for Anna, he grabs up another apple. When he tosses the apple half eaten into the trash can, what do you think that means? Think about it.
_________________________________________________________
Definition of CHANCER British: a scheming opportunist
1. a two-faced chancer, he doesn't hesitate to dump people when they are no longer of any use; 2. betrayed by a chancer who, he mistakenly thought, was his friend

Definition of CHEAT: 1. to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud, 2. to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice

Do you think Declan was trying to determine if Anna was a chancer or cheat? Why would he even want to find that out? Based on what?

So let me know if anyone reads this and what you think about it.

When Weather Attacks

I feel so beat-up by the weather in 2010.

First that hail storm in October. I have NEVER seen a hail storm that bad in my entire life. The sound was horrid, scared the grandkids, like artillery hitting the house. Shattering of the skylights.

This led to another horrid experience, the roofing job. The insurance company promised to pay for the whole thing less my deductible. Fine. I was in charge of hiring the roofer. I picked Otero and Sons. In short, it was 6 weeks of very unpleasant experiences. I do not recommend hiring them. (I don't think they can sue me for being honest. I was not happy with my contact with them and the roof, something I will have to live with the rest of my life (in this house, assuming my kids won't send me to a nursing home when I get feeble.)

Now it's the snow. I bought a Ford Focus, not thinking ahead to snowfall in the mountains. As a matter of fact, I assumed that my family members and various service providers would have 4-wheel drive, so I'd be okay. The whole time I lived in the mountains I didn't need or use 4-wheel drive except on rare occasions. Front-wheel drive got me through. I most remember the time I drove to work down Sedillo Hill in neutral, the traffic was that slow.

Nor did I use air-conditioning until a few years ago--which included living in Las Vegas NV 16 years in the heat. I got used to desert living.

I am no longer used to snow. It strikes me with fear and loathing.

I have hired a snow plower and will undoubtedly hire him again and again for as long as it takes to get out of here alive.

Christmas week it was warm, light coats and pleasant sunshine...in the upper 40's and lower 50's in Albuquerque. Lows in the mountains about freezing. Wonderful winter weather, if you ask me.

Then the temps dropped below zero at night, warming up to 10 degrees during the days. Our water pipes froze. No water. Turned it back on when it melted and the pressure tank went up to 120 before we cut it back off. So still no water. Paid a small fortune to have an electrical fix it in the fall. Now what?!

I love Mother Nature. But I hate some of Her little gifts.

I certainly hope I do not have to add anymore disasters to this blog.

Grief and Me, BFF?

Hell, I was sitting here this morning in my robe on the computer--writing and playing games. And I was feeling "guilty" about it.

I judge myself for doing what I feel like doing. I always feel like I'm doing "something wrong."

Then I realized I was waiting for Ed to come home and approve of me so everything will be okay again.

He's not coming home anymore.

I wish I could go back to that moment in the hospital when he took his last breath, and yank him back.

I didn't mean to let him go.

Leap Year the movie

I have fallen in love with a movie and a movie character. Of course I love Amy Adams. I have been watching her movies so much lately I feel as if she's my new best friend. My BFF? She's always good. I love her acting. However, I am talking about her co-star "Declan O'Callaghan."

I admit I am a bit obsessive compulsive but the movie I am fascinated with is Leap Year. You might say I am addicted to it since I watched it on HBO every time it was on, then bought the DVD and have been watching it ever since. I'm getting' my money's worth out of that DVD, diddly-eye.

I have never seen Matthew Goode in a movie before this one. Never even heard of him. (In fact, when I saw this movie in the theater it didn't really impress me. Where was I? DUH.) But what I am sure of now is that his acting is absolutely amazing. I am just blow away by his portrayal of Declan O'Callaghan in Leap Year. (I joined NetFlix so I can see all his other movies.)

What makes it even more amazing is that Matthew Goode is completely submerged in the character he creates. Declan is scruffy, quiet, distant and then open with his feelings. Plus those expressive eyes and looks, and the facial expressions!?! OMG. There is just no Matthew Goode showing through the role. Declan is a real and unique person.

I assumed Goode was like other actors--playing a role and bringing a good deal of himself into it. But the character in the movie is absolutely not Matthew Goode! Now that I have seen interviews of Matthew Goode online, seeing how he looks,how he sounds, I simply cannot even imagine that Matthew Goode is underneath the guy that's Declan O'Callaghan. Goode is a master and a genius at creating a film persona. He loses himself and becomes the role. If he keeps it up and they give him some good scripts, he might just be one of the best actors ever.

It's not just good acting, it's a conjuring trick, a feat of magic. I have rarely if ever seen such a thing. For instance, I used to love Gerry Butler movies. I didn't fall in-love with his characters, I fell in love with him. In all his pictures I could still see the actor under the costume and underneath/within the role. In fact, I think he often just pays himself with a different name. Even as different as he was in 300, I still knew it was Gerry. Even when he does Irish, British or American accents instead of using his lovely Scots accent, he is still and actor in a role.

This is so not true with Matthew and Declan. Matthew is in a class by himself. A magnificent actor. I am so going to join Netflix so I can see all his movies. (I assume he is a fabulous actor in all of them.) And he's a cutie. Especially those big blue eyes.

It's still amazing for me to see Leap Year and read all the meanings I find in it (whether they are there or not or it's just me, I don't know. I'm a Gemini. We see meaning in everything even when it's not there.) I think it's absurd that critics criticized Leap Year. What the heck? The fans love it and it has developed a new following from the DVD than there was for the original movie. People are still talking and writing about it. And of course, like me, watching it again and again.

One of the things I like about the movie is technique employed similar to that used in The Sixth Sense: skipping from scene to scene obviously leaving things to the imagination as a way to advance the plot and create some mystery into the story. For example the first time I saw Leap Year on HBO, I assumed, along with other viewers,that Declan and Anna slept in the same bed in the B & B and avoided temptation. That's how it appears.

Later, it dawned on me that they DID do it, and the whole movie became much more understandable. I have written a list of 38 hintsin the movie that prove Declan and Anna, OF COURSE, made love at the B & B. I put these in a more recent blog entry. (Please send comments...even if you want to argue about it.)

Everything after that point in the movie make a huge amount of sense. Look at the eyes, the looks, and the dialog, and you'll see what I mean. (One big reason is that he's a guy. He's a guy. Duh. And she's an American girl. And he wanted to win the coin toss so that he could have the bed, and she would have to get into bed with him. And listen to the words of the song. There are numerous clues, before and after the "event."

Other things in the movie that have double meaning: At the castle, was he or wasn't he hitting on her? He was telling a legend about the original couple that came to that castle and finally consummated their love after a time of not wanting to two-time the man she was betrothed to. I think Declan was admitting how he didn't want to betray the other man in Anna's life, and how much he valued love and the consummating of it.

He also revealed his values and integrity when he said in the garden, "A father is someone you can rely on."

The story might be formula romance (like in the romance novel genre.) Except this story has a few switcheroos. In a romance it is usually the girl that takes sexual relations seriously and feels sad that the guy doesn't. In this story it's Declan that takes the love making seriously and was hurt that Anna didn't seem to take it as seriously.

Remember the scene in Dublin on the bridge? Declan was talking about his feelings (do guys only do this in romance novels and movies?) When he said, "I thought me and Kaleigh were mad for each other." Then he turns to Anna and says, "Apparently not." His face, eyes and demeanor are really saying, "I thought our love making at the B & B meant something. Did it mean anything to you?" He held himself back from speaking his mind frankly to her until he saw she was open to a relationship.

It wasn't his male ego that was hurt, it was his heart that was wounded, maybe his whole life. He didn't want Anna to "fix" him, he just wanted a sign from her that she was becoming a real person, willing to really value things in life like he did, seek true love instead of just romance, willing to be seek something other than material riches.

Diddly-eye ( i.e., dance your way along in life in foolishness? No one is sure what this means. It could be a reference about her way of making plans and being in control of things. In several instances he seems to mean that.) I believe he wanted a sign from her that she was something beyond shallow. He was waiting for an indication from her that she was willing to become sincere, genuine and caring. If she didn't show that, he didn't really want her. That's one reason he walked away when Jeremy proposed to her. She appeared to be still attracted to that big ring and a life of security with a man that she didn't love. Materialistic and a high society life style. He probably felt he couldn't offer her that type of life and wealth.

Read his facial expressions. Remember the scene when Declan's patrons/friends toss in extra money to save the pub from repossession? Declan puts his head down and give a half smile and shakes his head. This, to me, indicates that he was pleased and surprised to see people loved him and he's getting something he wants and needs. (His self-esteem might have been damaged when Kaleigh left him?) So when Anna is speaking to him in the pub near the last scene, and he lowers his head, gives that half smile, and shakes his head, it means the same. Not, "no, I don't want you" or "No, it's too little too late." It means, "I don't believe this. She loves me and I'm getting what I want." When she came back to him with a new appreciation of what life in Ireland with him, it was the sign he had been waiting for that she was ready to be a real person and live a life other than diddly-eyeing. He could then take strong positive action and move forward confidently.

The story is told in the facial expressions. And the key to the story is the recurring themes. The screenplay is great, the acting and direction are great.
Formula romance is pure fantasy, but Leap Year, while fun and funny, has serious,complex, and touching aspects that goes way beyond typical romance. It's a shame that romantic comedy isn't taken very seriously by critics and many viewers (they won't even look at them, dismiss them as "chick flicks." But Leap Year is a good movie not just a good chick flick romantic comedy. The caliber of Amy Adams and Matthew Goode lift this movie way beyond where it could have gone with two other actors.

Oh, another thing I like about this movie, it keeps changing or I notice more every time I see it. I noticed that Anna was the one approaching Declan. I am sure he thought she was a control-freak and was avoiding that. But she leaned into the kiss at the dinner table. She was the one approaching him to talk about personal things like on the bridge asking him about "chancers & cheaters." She was the one that stood in his face and pushed her body up against him on the beach at the wedding and told him what a lovely, lovely lion he was and tried to kiss him (even tho she was drink and puked. She was the one moving towards him and not being "sincere" about it. He was the one disappointed and waiting for her to grow up and wake up and admit she wanted him. So she came back to Ireland and "proposed" to him. It is the reverse of a typical romance where the guy is taking the girl for granted, coming on to her yet keeping his distance and the girl is the one who wants a more serious relationship and is hurting until it unfolds. In this switcheroo it's the guy in that role. Hmmm, clever.

In other words, Leap Year is worth seeing. Do it! And now that I have studied the movie to death, it's time to write my own romance novel. I have to do that while I am single because I plan on getting a new true love one of these days even if he's an old geeZER.

I have found a couple of downsides to watching good romantic comedies: You fall in love with a guy young enough to be your son, and find out again that the man you want doesn't really exist. (SIGH)

Okay, I gotta stop writing for tonight and watch a little Leap Year before bedtime. Declan is whispering in my ear, "Dream a little dream of me..."

Is it Normal Grief or Depression?: Beneficial Artical

Is it Normal Grief or Depression?: How to Decide If You Are Grieving or Depressed

Grief and Depression from my perspective

I keep trying to explain to people (well, a few of them) the difference between grief and depression. I AM experiencing grief because my husband died June 6, 2009, and the heart revisits other losses and the grief they brought (especially if it was not fully felt.)

But depression is different. A lot of people have theories as to what depression is and what to do about it.

The point I would like to make is that real clinical depression and Bipolar depression are a physiological disorder and have to do with brain chemistry or brain processing things like (and I am not a professional here) electrical synapses or neurotransmitters.

I would prefer to have NO comments about this, since understanding or learning ABOUT or hearing what people's helpful comments are as to what depression it, doesn't HELP. In fact, comments from people as to what they think it is are really not supportive at all.

Knowing about depression is not the same as knowing depression.

Here is the difference from my experiential perspective.

Grief is centered in the heart. When a bout of grief hits me, my heart aches (it is real pain) and I cry and feel it intensely. When I feel my grief and express it (mostly with crying and/or body language, whatever) the feeling is one of release and healing. When the bout is over (until the next time it strikes) I feel relief and certain healing, a wellness of being, a love of life, and hope or even eagerness for the future. It's like drawing closer to the light at the end of the tunnel and I see the light growing bigger and brighter. It has a spiritual context for Light, too, but that is not important in this blog entry here.

However, depression is centered in the head. It's a thing of thoughts. It's a psychic experience (not the ESP meaning of psychic.) I experience it like I have a hamster wheel in my brain and I run around and around looking for a comforting though. And can't find one. Like running down a long hall way and trying to find a room to go into to feel safe, but all the doors are locked. That kind of feeling. The sadness is not related to circumstances or situations, it's just that everything appears to be unbearably sad no matter what it is -- things that a little while ago were okay, acceptable, manageable, maybe joyful even.

Crying with depression makes the experience worse and worse until the pain brings on despair. When grief hits, the expression of it occurs and it's alleviated and bearable.

But expressing depression doesn't feel healing, it is not alleviated. The "end" of feeling depression is a state of numbness when I don't feel anything at all.

Expressing and feeling grief turns me back on to life, experiencing depression removes me from life.

So, this is my opinion. Keep in mind arguing about this won't make anyone feel better. I don't need opinions. If you want to comment, send some love to me..

Please go to the link published on my blog above for a good entry on grief vs. depression. Thanks.

Sherlock

New series on PBS: Sherlock (a 21st century "consulting detective") starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman as Dr. John Watson. EXCELLENT. WONDERFUL. FABULOUS.

I loved the "old" Sherlock, too. But this show is phenomenal.

Cumberbatch is good, fascinating, and strikingly handsome in an exotic way (love that curly hair and blue blue eyes) but Martin Freeman is funny, cute, and a wonderful actor and I adore his Dr. Watson struggling to maintain equilibrium while following along on the radical adventures of the young Sherlock Holmes.

Watch it. It's good.

MORE MORE MORE ! We want more ! Tell BBC and PBS!!!

NaNoWriMo

I am taking the challenge. National Novel Writing Month. Check out the website. I am going to write a novel in November. I have to come up with an idea, stick with it and type my fingers to the bone. (I hope some characters contact me in my dreams before Nov. 1 and give me the plot they want. Heck, the genre, too.) Wish me luck!

Assignment for Unity Basics Class

RE: Early Beliefs Systems

I don’t feel I have any old religious beliefs from my childhood, especially ones that are holding me back. I used to think Moses really parted the Red Sea and that Transcendentalism was cool in high school but I didn’t think there were any Transcendentalism churches. (Back east was very traditional in the 50’s and early 60’s. All there was was Christians, Jews, and, I suppose, atheists.)

I joined the local community church because it was closest to home. Luckily, I had an open-minded Sunday school teacher in high school who had us reading the Bible and participating in discussions where we could explore and express our opinions and beliefs. I also liked Catholicism because of the ritual and feminine aspect (Mother of God) and attended that church occasionally—though it was a longer walk.

I realized in college that studying history was basically studying religion because the political history of the world is basically religious history. I got hooked. Eventually I studied a little bit of a lot of religions in the 60’s and 70’s including Zen. I was what they now refer to as a “seeker” (as well as a hippie, a drunk, and a pot-head among other vices.)

I have worked on one 12-Step program after another since the late 1970’s. As a result got rid of my old ideas and started on the path of “change your mind, change your life.”

I found Science of Mind in Las Vegas NV (of all places, sin city!) and stayed with that the longest. I took some of the classes more than once and went through half of Practitioner II training. I met the true love of my life at Rel.Sci. church in Las Vegas and spent 22 wonderful years married to him. I also got into A Course in Miracles off and on for more than 20 years.

After I quit working at age 55, I got my BS, MS and PhD in Metaphysics from the American Institute of Holistic Theology. That and $2.95 will get me a cup of coffee. Since then I’ve written and published a couple of books. (flash fiction humor and and poetry.)

I’ve recently gone back to 12-Step meetings because I was having a hard time with my grief after my husband died in June 2009. I did grief work and I’m learning to lead an individual life and still growing as a person.

I have developed to the point I am no longer “seeking” and no longer motivated to keep learning as fervently as I once did (my head is full.) But I hope I keep learning from life and from others and expanding my consciousness, knowledge and capabilities for the rest of my life. That includes continuously working Step 11: Seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God (as I understand God,) praying only for knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry it out. In addition I want to learn to give more, love more, practice the spiritual principles I have/will learn, and to enjoy life.

I started attending Unity church because it was closest to my home in the mountains. And I find now that it is closest to the religious experience I wish to have and because Sunday services at Albuquerque Unity are fun!

SandyJoy Schairer Oct. 20, 2010