I'm an introvert so
why do I talk so much? I have to have
alone time to recharge my batteries but that doesn't imply quiet. I have living
beings to talk to (dogs and plants) and I've been known to talk too toasters and
spilled coffee, etc.
I'm more gregarious
now & over that painful shyness of childhood.
Maybe I have too
much education? And a love for trivia? I am excited about things and my talking
can be very intense.
Is it too intense.
Do I talk "so much" or "too much"? Or is it the right
amount for me? Even if I rather annoy people? My real friends get a glazed look
on their faces. Rose told me she just stops listening (I think she might have
learned this technique married to a talkative husband). But they keep the
relationship going regardless of chit-chat and I appreciate that.
It doesn't mean I
don't listen either. In fact, I can listen to something or someone and talk at the
same time. In the past it was useful at cocktail parties where I could carry on
two or more conversations at the same time. I can't do that anymore--go to
cocktail parties or listen to multiple conversations. At my age my ears are
tired.
I have other people
say that they can listen while talking. Multi-conversations were possible with
her and I'm sure others.
The type of
conversation I like is the "ping-pong" variety. We toss the words
around not randomly but wrapped around thoughts and ideas. We see the ping
coming and can pong back in a rapidity that defies reality. Interrupting is a
major factor in this type of talking and it's understood and perfectly
acceptable.
I've tried that type
of conversation with people who are not conversationalist like I. They pause
and think before they speak. They say things like "Let me finish."
And when I try to interrupt and ping-pong at them, they stop and put their attention
on me to hear what I have to say. Not in a good way. Having focus on my remarks
makes them seem too important like I should have had a 6 point outline and
brought along a synopsis.
I made a list of 50
(and now more) reasons I talk or might talk. I read the lists of listening
skills on line. Then I told my therapist that though it was my goal to stop
talking so much, my list to keep talking was longer than the motivation to keep
my mouth shut. I might have to rethink my goal. Learning to do something is
easier than learning to not do something.
One thing I've been
practicing is asking people sincere questions about their opinions and how they
feel about things specific or in general. I don't bounce back with a comment
(related to the topic or not) without hearing them out and taking an interest
in them.
I've learned a
conversation is not about sharing profound ideas for the most part, or teaching
and preaching. Not everything is a step
forward in the quest to discover the meaning of life and the nature of the
universe. It's to have a relationship
with people you like.
Part of my talking
skill, LOL, is that I'm a writer. As you can see I am a bit wordy. Let's face
it, I'm a storyteller and entertainer. With that in mind, I'm going to leave it
at that.
